horus8
on Tribute to the greatest ever American poem by Garrett S Sexton
1 Mar 2003, 7:28 PM
"Brave to the bone,and smiling to the sleep" choice and smart.
"just like there beliefs" their would be better or not. nice poem pickle teeth.
Ranger i've read some of your other works and although i respect your language and obvious intelligence sometimes when i'm reading your poetry i don't enjoy the piece at all because i'm so busy critiquing it as i go.
i have a just one piece of advice for you. stop trying to rhyme. anything. at all.
oops i meant doesn't rhyme well...
you get it
my only two problems with this:
i don't like the 4th and 5th lines in the first stanza...whenever i hear stuff like that it makes me shudder i don't know why...
2nd, in the 3rd stanza, the last line does rhyme well with the second. perhaps if you changed it to "i'll stomp him into the floor" or something thereof...you decide you're probably a better rhymer than i.
other than that quite good i give you my applause.
kind of nice...a little sparse
Self~Portraits are always moving, at least to me.
Your second bingo came out only a bing which just won't do. we on;y drink orange bang.
Quite sweet 7
You say in-escapable,but Harry had an uncle, and he escaped from Azkaban.I know it's only fiction,but well it was still amazing that he could do that.
Then there is Buck Rogers,he got out of the 20th century.FUCKING A!
Ron Weasley can fart,did you see Thunderpants.
Im going to give you an 8
wow,it really gets to you doesnt it.
NOT ME THOUGH, IM THE MTV GENERATION,LETS GET READY TO BURN,WOOHOO
wow i cant imagine why anyone would give it an 8? they must of read it wrong...stupid blind idiots they are missing the point of this poem its so...full of ryming and thoughts and everything..YET ANOTHER 10
AHHH yet another 10 i wish i could write as half as good as you do..your poems are so expressive and meaningful..10 all the way
wow....one word wow..have you gotten any of these published? I really like them..Keep on writing..your poems compared to mine will definetly blow mine away i am only 12 and i love to write your poems inspire me to keep on writing no mater what people say..they belittle me and my work but after i have read thses nothing can put me down anymore another 10
wow this is so good not much of a variety though on ryming..it can be tough but cares and tears went perfect together so dramatic and it almost painted a scene in my mind about the part when it said sitting all alone on a quiet night and then waiting for someone to make it bright...sheer brillance to me..I give it a 10 because it explains how you feel and what you want and what you look for in a a girl..i really liked it and please keep amazing me with your work! this definetly deserves a 10 if i could vote anything higher it would definetly be alot higher
One chuckled with delight.
You've not quite grasped this, One thinks you should adapt it as a limerick, a nice idea but what the Dickens are you trying to say?
Turn Back Dick Whittington. -6
This one doesnt work for me,even when i grasped it!
A POWERFUL STATEMENT INDEED. THE LAST LINE IS VERY SAD AND BUSH IS A TWAT.
Golden Q Tip. 10. Superb Edit.
Second stanza gave me a heart murmur.
It was great until you used the word settle. 0 nah i must be fair 0!
Good Show.