One was amused.

Lose the title also, it ruins the whole shabang.

Exelent description. 7. No 8. You've earned it.

Leave this be now my boy, write about something new, something thats inspiring then come back to this, you are trying too hard and its Saturday a young strapping lad like yourself must go to a public house and be merry.

The last 3 stanzas had me jumping in my chair, shouting YES DAMMIT YES THAT'S IT!

I bet your wife found this simply charming. I would however relinquish the line 'in a soft summer breeze' it serves little purpose without a metaphor. I have just read some of your other work and was impressed but owe it to you to study and pass comment on at my earliest convenience. I wish yourself and your wife many happy years of matrimony.

You have the beginnings of a sublime work let down only by an inconclusive ending. Now my dear boy try and focus on the ending, irony would fit like a golf glove. For example you detail most beautifully 'nature' and the representation of where you lost her (S1). What you need to do is carry that on taking that beauty then ending it most cruelly with the decadence of human nature. This needs to end in a crescendo of your sufferance, I feel one owes it to ones self to strive for perfection here as this metabolic potential to be a poets poem and that Sire if you are prepared to work on the end, would be a rare endorsement from myself...8

'I am a dark chapel'-brilliant. Does an ode have any sort of structure as regards syllables, because I think this would be better if you just changed it to a free verse and didn't worry about restricting yourself to rhymes. I must admit that first time round I thought that the subject was going to shoot themself, but I think it's a bit clearer now. Don't like the capitals. I'll vote later.

Possibly 'Silver assassin struck' for the last line, it seems to work and would take the syllables down to 17? I really like your haikus, you have much ability with images. 9

Nice. It's difficult to give advice on something as short as a haiku, especially when it's as good as this, so I'll limit myself to just saying "Nice".

IT'S ABOUT NUNS,AND THE POPE NOT GETTING ANY.

I'M GOING TO BRIGHTON NEXT WEEKEND 4 A FEW BEERS WITH THE CHAPS,MAYBE A BIT OF DOO-INS. GOT TO GO FOOD SHOPPING TODAY.DON'T GET ME WRONG.I LIKE FOOD SHOPPING,BUT AT ASDA IT'S NOT SUCH FUN.I MUCH PREFER WAITROSE,BUT THE PRICE US HIPPIES GOTTA THINK OF THE PRICE MAN,GOTTA BE CAREFUL WHI oh sorry the poem,yes? not sure on that one.

50? Uch! Good poem but that's gross. Some one better warn the mechanic.

Well GEORGE W Bush.I loved the coffee bit. Cut down on your'e L.S.D intake though,can't be good when ya got a country to run.GREAT POEM,NUKE THOSE SUCKERS,THE RAGE WAS THERE.

2nd stanza: 5th line - Get rid of the fire spitting demons. They don't really fit. 3rd stanza: 5th line- I think you meant "stomp" 5th stanza: 2nd line- "Is the place to where I can never return"? I just think it flows better. Lines 5 & 6 - you switch tense on us. Was (in 6) should be will be or comes (in 5) should be came. Feel free to ignore my suggestions if you want just keep treating me to these great works. (8.)

Nice images with bad connections. The first stanza doesn't even seem to belong there.

I like it. Reminds me of myself not too long ago. Sweet. Innocent. Naive? Good luck. (6)

Naughty girl. Good poet. There's not much I can say on this one.

If you were another poet I'd just put I like it and be done but I know you enjoy critique so: I don't get the title. It seems like a fishing reference which I see no where else in the poem. I think "Come on go to sleep" would work better as "Go on, go to sleep." It just sounds more supportive instead of demanding. Maybe that's just me puting myself in the poem though. :/ Perhaps a little explaination of why asking would cause trouble would be nice. Or maybe "I just know that it would" if you want it to sound a little irrational.

Get rid of 'then'int he last line otherwise perfect. 10