Crakyamuni
on Here I Go by marvelis
24 Feb 2003, 5:51 PM
yo
Forget the pass--tell her, and spare us.
IT SUCKS!! ADMIT IT!!
Keep 'thrift'.
Dude this is classic limerence
we all have seen it. I can appreciate your side bro.
My, but your heart is out for all to see. It is difficult to suggest something as trite as this in the face of such emotional bravura, but, what this work dearly needs is a sharp edit--punctuation and capitalisation must be forced to do your will, mistress del corazon.
Upstart. You dazzle yourself, so.
Damn...this is good. reminds me of walking around late night in SOHO or in & out of Ave. B. Just love the way you structured the first two lines in each paragraph. Solid 8
gahhhh...........humorous......but......
The first thing I've read fromn you in two months and I have to say it's some of the best I have ever read from you. 9+
Lovely, freshly laundered sheets lovely
New socks lovely
The smell of burning dust from turning on the furnace for the first time this year lovely. Couplet after S2 needs rewriting. Doesn't jive with feel of poem.
In responses to my comments, you have neglected to write anything about my comments on your poetry. Maybe when you address each feeble point I make I'll stop goading you. If this poem is such the fucking cat's pyjamas it won't take a minute.
Good structure, nice surprise. Usually I have a problem with diaphanous, overused poetry word, but works well here.
Wash me, Trickster.
Wouldn't that lead to coprophilia?
Is this possibly about the catholic church? Well actually I saw your name else where and was wondering if you know that this is one of the most waesome pieces ever written? I personally think that you have talent. Find yourself a good 'play' though
Hmm i give.........a 7 , hey 7 aint bad ya know!?
*Is emotional*