Mr Pig
on We by Nanshe
25 Feb 2003, 4:01 AM
The miles mean nothing and everything, try 2/3/4 different attempts at this I do like the idea but its not quite conveyed satifactory enough. But do try --6
2 (how bad did you want that?)
Not sure about this one. I understand the analogies and metaphor but they seem to be overdone and don't always add to the poem's meaning. I would suggest tightening and less abstract comparisons.
Blimey ! this must have been most awkward to write of, have you seen the film chocolat? its absolutely delightful?
Very poignant while not being mawkish. I don't usually like this
type of poetry but this is an exception. One typo in next to last stanza, 3rd line. "Breath' should be "breathe
A plum read, wonderful execution of the Queens English, it reads more like a Sonnet. On this velvet cushion I bestow thee a 9. Bravo
This would make a better painting.
This is quite lovely. I was taken by the mood and meaning you have captured. The form is unusual but seems to work OK. I may be a bit conservative in giving this an 8.
I really enjoyed the read.
I liked this and the rhyme is well done except for the last two stanzas. Not sure I like mem'ry and
temp'ry and you need to ask yourself if you would have written thus if there was no need to rhyme.
Also, last stanza..."in that which is" seems awkward as fillers to balance the rhythm and pace. The second stanza is my favorite.
Ah, this again. Excellent. Couple of little things: one, the last line of the first stanza might work better if enclosed in brackets -- I can't recall if you had it thus the first time you posted this or not. Also, same line, either get rid of the comma or add one after 'all'. Excellent none the less.
Hee hee... I remember that evening. Sorry I couldn't do anything about it for you.
This is for you my dear girl, I shall now refer to you (with your consent) as 'Arete' she is not gods wife but in greek mythology was the goddess of virtue and excellence. She was a goddess in Hellenia BC and you are deserving of her name. (and besides horus has handrinos)and May I say my dear girl, now brave you are sharing this with us I had no idea and feel bloody well sad and angry. If you ever need a friend, I know I digress in these comments sometimes but I am always there for you. I adore your strength I started to exorcise one of my demons tonight but was such a coward one simply couldn't face it. Maybe I will...but i am scared Arete, There are some cruel blighters on this site. xxx love you,
yours always
Mr Pig x
Darkness in the heart, where no light reaches: that is the unnamed thing, missing here.
I would like to know, in S1, what are you trying to get close as possible to?
OMFG I hope this didn't happen fer real...This poem is good in a horrifically way 8+ Satan wii probably stick his flaming dick up the officers ass in the next life tho (Jesus makes sure the bad guys pay hehe he :)
Here I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111
This I will herald as an important poem. You have clearly defined the martyr and the violator here. Referring to ?No vigilante Jesus? makes me think ?Damn? because in an act of violence and degradation one would think you turn to God but he offers nothing (maybe he is a man after all). No need for the metaphor police to arrest you on this my dear it challenged me the reader to ask ones self whether we are all in hell and that the concept of heaven we worship is really one huge joke in heaven. The shortest stanza (4) hurts the most it I could picture this lurching scoundrel dribbling and shaking in fetishistic orgazmo, and the victim folding like a late spring daffodil in his evil cluthces.
There is no ending to this poem as far as I am concerned but that is the point, there is no end for the victim or the perpertrator, no happy ending, no kindly Ed Harris character, just a cold facet of evil and the obliteration of purity. ***8
:( Bad story in a good poem. (Not a poorly told one, just one that happens all too often.)
When you decide to Settle, I'll donate a beige wedding dress.
Where is your Golden Mean, Wunderkind?