razorgrin
on Kaolin Fire is SHIT by poemwanker
3 Feb 2003, 9:04 AM
Wuv!
sizzle!
great until you got all preachy at the end.
Bill Z Bub
on Prose poem written in 1 minute and 27 seconds while listening to Slim Cessna croon by poetandknowit
3 Feb 2003, 7:40 AM
OMG.
Stupid stupid boy. Not even clever. You real have a low standard for yourself don't you?
This is very strong. It does not need more thought provoking lines. The 'stomach punch...' is not a good image at all. It's inaccesible and adolescent, but the poem is not. Last line first stanza, doesn't make sense, you are discribing a cold place, so how can it be masked by the snow? the landscape of the other seasons could be masked, but not the landscape you're discribing. The snow should be included, make sense? I love the last lines of 3 and 4. Very beautiful, though the third stanza is confusing, rework it. Final two stanza are terrific. Nice work. Go back toit and make it better. You should be proud of this. Very mature
Outstanding, thank you. We are all prisoners, and we all hold some part of the key. You touched me, brought me to tears. My tiny tiny almost irrelevant critizism is the repeated use of the words 'chained/chains' at the very beginning, otherwise perfect.
I'm unconfortable witht he pornstar thing. What your saying is so touching, and that image just doesn't seem to jive, but then I've never seen porn, so maybe I'm imaging it as more horrifiying than it actually is. I love the last line first stanza. The entire last stanza is fantastic though the first half of the second line sounds to much like slam poetry, which I hate. so once again another personal prejudice. I also appreciate you putting yourself out there, which is what you always do. I very personal poem.
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Scitz says thanks hes had his first boner in weeks
When I said that time I want to know what you feel I didnt quite expect this, however you is one foxy chick, thats making me tick, for your so sweet and slick, flesh like treacle, eyes like an eagle, so dont stop searching for the hives of honey, for you is a cat wiv a flat gorgoeous tummy....AYE ! Boyakasha , West Side ! ----10---- horny unicorny.
Caducus
on Prose poem written in 1 minute and 27 seconds while listening to Slim Cessna croon by poetandknowit
3 Feb 2003, 2:06 AM
5th from last line, hmm I wonder why they do that, you cant buy being a nice person, as for the poem can you seriously expect me to believe that anyone under 16 would like this? and bla blah blah ( annoying isn't it when people are nasty and insulting without actually offering help, being pompous though isn't me I will leve that to u
and you have the gall to call my work bad, I wouldnt even wipe my ass on this boring shit
I thought it said "ream my cortex". That would have been even better than "fingered my cortex".
:sniff: You CARE, you really CARE!
oh yeah. I think you have a winner now. :)
I'm not quite with you on "fingered my cortex like it was a thesaurus" -- I don't tend to finger thesaurii..?
also a bit biased in that I have a bit of a clue what's going on (which makes me like it better).
actually, me having a clue is really the main thing I like about this, shortly followed by... you use good words and imagery and flow. it is good. but I think if I didn't know a bit here and there, this wouldn't mean much to me -- the airport seems entirely superfluous to the poem (could be dropped for greater effect, possibly, or expanded to have some stronger meaning).
beyond that... (?) a) yay, you wrote something! ;) b) it's pretty good. again, maybe the years between us keeps me distant from it, some. 7 as is. I think it could be an 8 or 9 (in my book). but it would need to be more self-contained.
anybody see the news footage where they actually showed a cinged space helmut in the field...pretty cool looking.
got your nose...got you wallet :::flush:::
this is on point soldier.
very flow like