Re: Timing by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/1:56 AM
Nice write, if you edit this maybe look at making all the line endings strong - there are a couple of weak endings which disrupted the rhythm a little for me.
Re: Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/3:13 AM
I vaguely remember reading this years ago. The blue butterflies seem to be blue flashing lights on the windscreen. Maybe your heads are bobbing in time with the sirens? Having set it up with 'Don't smoke crack' this could be a computer game that appears totally real at the time. 'Homey cliffside'? I don't get that, maybe it's more American than I'm used to. Could do with some of the commas disappearing, but this was a pretty fun read :-)
Re: love song by <~>	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/3:30 AM
Mmmmm...still turns me on....haven't played for years though, maybe I should take it up again.
Re: Screws by helenwales	nypoet22 72.144.83.200	11-Oct-06/4:25 AM
one of these years i'll visit my cousins in wales. good stuff.
Re: Veins by helenwales	piedle 210.84.45.132	11-Oct-06/4:29 AM
it has the cheek of early Yeats, the wind resistance of byron, and eminems special sauce. I give it four out of four air pies.
regarding some deleted poem...	piedle 210.84.45.132	11-Oct-06/4:31 AM
A line from the simpsons? Damn, i really thought I had struck white gold with this one.
Re: A Sexy Crucifixion Poem by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 86.41.196.150	11-Oct-06/4:47 AM
disgusting. try changing the characters to your mother and brother and see if its still as good.
regarding some deleted poem...	Petit Robinet 59.100.128.128	11-Oct-06/5:38 AM
Nice write, if you publish this perhaps look at making any line ends strong - there are couples of the low ends which disturbed the rate/rhythm for me.
regarding some deleted poem...	piedle 210.84.45.132	11-Oct-06/6:01 AM
also, don't you think that your comment is a little ironic, considering the subject matter? Was it a bodily response to the rhythm? or a pattern thing due to poems written before? Just tryin to understand. I guess you have to know the rules to be able to adequately break em huh? teach me, netpoets, teach me...
Re: Cassius by helenwales	Petit Robinet 59.100.128.128	11-Oct-06/6:05 AM
You know what it is to have a bite of pussycat in your bedridden-nudity alleged Helen of Wales? A pussycat in the bed makes for a poem, but not of “potential”. It is a DANGER. Material NOT "potential". See to them my scars? Look at my scars! Try stronger. Je te donne des SIX.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 17.255.240.138	11-Oct-06/10:18 AM
The opening suggests you know more than you're letting on - wanker (have you been wanked under another name? Rancour (does that make you Bitish?) A poem about poemranker isn't novel, but the fence is and the xy plane. "ref-e-rence" - is that to rhyme with fence? (if so, a cheap shot) Kind of a ramble, isn't it, an interesting style.
Re: To My Love by Lola	Dovina 17.255.240.138	11-Oct-06/10:20 AM
I would question whether "no promises" weakens this love, and conflicts with "never-ending."
Re: To My Love by Lola	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:45 AM
Now, lola, I'm going to be quite critical on this poem...not because I don't like you, but because you can do better than this. When you touch on the 'ol lovey-dovey subject we're gonna need something to wow us as the subject is way to common. In this, I get nothing I couldn't get from some cheesey pop song. I'll give you that it seems genuine, but we need something of substance here (i.e. literary devices). p.s. love sucks.
Re: Timing by Dovina	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:47 AM
Story of my life.
Re: Caveat by MacFrantic	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:49 AM
nice rhythem, but I think Dovina is right...pretty good otherwise.
Re: Words (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/12:56 PM
Don't like the initial cliche (wearing heart on sleeve), the rest is fine.
Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/12:58 PM
Neat, concise edit.
Re: The Mandarin by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/1:05 PM
Ummm...I kind of like this, but it feels unfinished. The imagery is solid, except maybe you could describe the ring a bit more, and also the picture. I really don't like the penultimate line, 'fuck' used up all its shock value the first time, stands out as a hard line end in amidst 6 soft endings, and the whole line seems unnecessary. I mean, what circumstances could there possibly be in which you did actually think of a picture of your father while having sex? 13 photo frames? Is the number significant, other than being unlucky? Love the first two lines, and I think I like the last one too.
Re: Perversions by razorgrin	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/1:16 PM
Ho ho ho...hum
Re: The Mandarin by Caducus	pete 195.92.168.164	11-Oct-06/1:47 PM
when i'm loving, yet never when i fuck ... yeah, that's nice , the 2 fucks work i think, but how about when you fuck while you're loving ... freud would probably have a ball here...what with dad and all .. :)