Interestin twist.

Too fun.

I see you've already tweaked the first stanza. still looming twice. I'm holding the vote.

what goes around comes around,slick.

How did it impact the floor? harshly? L-13, merge it with L-14. It's great when something so small can have an impact so big.

Caducus, dude. First stanza seems limerick like in rythm. Try making that rythm carry through. or not. 8

A 1980s group called tears for fears wrote an album called 'The Hurting' and their was a song called 'watch me bleed' you should listen to it. This one your better ones as it shows a vulnerability in you that moved me a bit have a 7

hail dewdrop, death to dogs that piss on lawns, and whatta way to go

megalomania.

Beautifully dirty. 9

Another brillient poem. How do you make them? 10

Perhaps make it into a lyric?

It deserves 0, but I give 10 to prevent it staying around in the bottem.

mmm..talent.

I feel bad about squashing bugs now. (except mozzies, obviously)

You BASTERD! You killed my love-children. Mmmmmm....... kiddies. And goats. Or sheep. I'm not fussy. Pedobeastalia. That's a nice thought. Anyone for necrophilia?

evensong.

nefarious. i remember reading stories like this in juggs magazine growing up somwhere in the middle of nowhere. unfortunately, you're missing the reaction of your action. which waits patiently to rear it's ugly head. what is it? health insurance.

you left out the part where we leave then in the desert for scavengers and insects, and the gas match. with a note that says just kidding.

its a start I think honestly