Bachus
on some deleted poem
27 Dec 2002, 1:18 PM
Incredible.
lovely poem...8
haha i love this. i sliced a chunk off my thumb with a cheese grater once. evil things, those metal contraptions...9
the eye of sarnath sees all.
that is so beautiful...definitely a ten
what have you acertained thus far? only that your ass is quite hollow and whistles unwarrented on windy days. you sound like a wet sneaker fleeing in the night down the hall of fruitiness...pear shaped ass sparking madly of the sides of political correctness like a over budgeted disney car chase..tsk. where is bo and luke duke when we need them.
second sentence 'my' to might.
maybe break this one into stanzas, and let it find it's own gravity..it seem hesitant at first than it goes into seizures..not as powerful as your fist poem today, but it regains its composure rightfully enough.
Yes, 'tis excellent. Should the title be 'Cantos D'Amor'? My knowledge of languages may not be as great as I'd like it to be. Have a nine.
indeed.
lovely words...10
i love those last two lines...wonderful ending...8
oh this is lovely...it feels like a beautiful secret youve divulged to the world...love "side to side i raise insanity"...9
seems too short...you're reading and then its like "wait...where did the rest of the poem go?"...5
comma after control.
comma after catalyst.
cap Eros. A purist or i move.
i reel in my torso.
inducing my influence like a shot.
comma after side to side, i raise insanity. Flexing centers of desire. lower back, a dynamic joint. of a modest room *[makes it more universal] i was a born a dancer. creatint the following, of one. The love of my life
*don't include brackets (inside is my point only).
sean you are a sick man. nice field of toiling wheat though. breakfast of champions.
very romantic and surreal. captivating visuals. a wonderful poem.e
9
'for at night these words seem so much coarser'...totally true...9
Oh yes.
always trust the gut and nose. before the heart and penis. the brain will follow.