Caducus
on some deleted poem
16 Dec 2002, 6:51 AM
the point hasnt pricked me
Unoriginal. Try making fun of Doylum's rotting pussy.
Wow, this rox
Haiku rebel !
I like this a lot
Sticking to the poem, its dung
Not entirely memorable or original, try and explain the concept of suicide in a less trivial manner. You have to be, or had to be genuinely suicidal to write about suicide and hit people in a way they will think on what you have said. Dont be disheartened through malice in peoples criticism, answer them through your work and silent tongues will deafen you from what you created. Just gather inspiration, never force an emotion let it force you to write.
Not adult enough for me in its depiction of infatuation, you need to show more dimension to your work as this stands it makes the character look pitiful, and desperate.
You write the way you want too though I'm a miserable shit. (not voted)
Tony Blair must use heroin (have u seen his body language)
Very true about the dog show,
from what i heard, an endorsement from bachus is indeed admirable.
This is poignant, It reminded me of me, once upon a time ago, this kind of experience is hard to write about with the style, substance and unpretentious way in which you sold it -my fave read today a golden egg has hatched you a 10
Needs more i think
Now, this is more simplistic and engaging than the others, it flows nicely and is undemanding in a good way, take a 7 sugar
Powerful stuff, and unforgiving--good shit, man-8
Damn, I'm sorry
purrrrfectly done, are u getting a new one as there will be plenty abandoned after xmas?
fix last line stza 1 ok? (though should be thought) -8-
Hell has been defined at last !
(theres worse by the way 'Hearsay' but god intervened and split them up)