poetandknowit
on some deleted poem
30 Sep 2002, 8:51 AM
What place. you maight have something here if you find the proper context. As is, it is confusing.
Told me to much. Good thought, but it is not communicated effectively.
Not sure this works, prbably because the spring is no longer in
Your use of language is a bit peculiar sometimes - neither 'blithe' nor 'askew' is a noun. I wonder if you could find proper adjectives?
I was amused muchly Tarquin de la B. a 9 from me.. simply because I never give out tens because 10's scare me. After all, 10 means perfection, and you wouldn't wanna be perfect that would just make you a tad bit creepier than us. ;o)
It is a haiku DA, and it is a rather decent one.
You have littered the recent list with your work. At least it reveals you revise and that will be important for this poem/lyric.
Sounds fun to me! Especially the belching!
You get a much better class of conversation with a clock. What does promiscuous vacuity mean ?
more's the pity--he'll be having his eye on another prize, won't he?
puctuate more judiciously,please.
possibility is what keeps the artist at bay. and fear of the sheer enormity of it, sometimes. other times, the back is painted as well as the front, sirrah.
This is a bit mysterious to me as the only Wiccan I ever met was a scary South African girl who tried to seduce me at a conference. (Told me I had typical Scorpio's eyes, whatever that might mean. But it was spooky 'cos I am a Scorpio.) I didn't stick around long enough to find out whether she burnt her house down or about the elements or whatever. Nevertheless, I get the metaphors here and they're very strong. And I especially like your conclusions about the nature of God i.e. he/she/it is an invention to salve human fears.
This is perhaps a bit overlnog and wordy, but the images accumulate powerfully.
I like this. To the point, sharp, sad.
poetandknowit
on A Sign on a Giant Donut at a Twenty Four Hour a Day Donut Shop Overlooking Pacific Coast Highway in Sunset Beach California at Eight in the Evening on September Twenty Fourth Two-Thousand and Two by Dark Angle
30 Sep 2002, 8:48 AM
Take a picture. thank you ever so much for wasting my time on this good day september 30, 2002. Take out the donut whole and really what do you have? a zero.
sucks as usual.
Very nice. What will you be for Halloween?
That I understand!7