poetandknowit
on Torn... by loneshadow29
19 Sep 2002, 1:27 PM
:o(
We men may be able to set our watches by ya'll's moods, but which timezone would we end up in? Eastern Aphrodite Time. Very good poem.
Do you keep these used up and discarded men in your room? I got a vision of 'bedroom as entymology lab' with all these man-sized pins sticking them to the walls...oh, dear. must remember to take my medecine.
Okay, fuck face it is one thing to be an idiot and have no one know you are, but when you display what a fuck you are to the world, well that is another story. You hack, you fucking rip off aritist, you fucking thief, you fucking plagiarist. DO NOT STEAL WORK FROM POETS, especially OGDEN NASH and claim it as your own. This is RUDE and FUCKING WRONG. This poem, one of the shortest ever written, has more profundities in it than you could ever think up in a lifetime. You are an insult, a worthless fucking trite of a human being. And if you do not die soon for this action, I hope your life is miserable just the same. Nentwind, we have to get control of this shit. Delete this poem.
Besides being awful, I think you have a terrible misunderstanding of neurosis and that adds to the banality twofold.
All I can say is... woah... dark and powerful words... a great poem indeed :o)
such a dark feeling... to have your personal demons destroying every bit of your being... I relived the pain I went through but i promise, the pain will pass. great poem :o)
Why heaven? That kind of blows the image for me of an otherwise welcome attempt at haiku.
face = flavor? This poem is badly written.
what, is there some anonymous ranker out there giving 10's to shite? or are people doing it themselves? i mean, damn, there is some good stuff on here, but this sure as hell ain't it
Okay, fuck face it is one thing to be an idiot and have no one know you are, but when you display what a fuck you are to the world, well that is another story. You hack, you fucking rip off aritist, you fucking thief, you fucking plagiarist. DO NOT STEAL WORK FROM POETS, especially OGDEN NASH and claim it as your own. This is RUDE and FUCKING WRONG. This poem, one of the shortest ever written, has more profundities in it than you could ever think up in a lifetime. You are an insult, a worthless fucking trite of a human being. And if you do not die soon for this action, I hope your life is miserable just the same. Nentwind, we have to get control of this shit. Delete this poem.
putting horses and men on the same line puts them in the same context, mrs.g. ergo, (just as big) seemsboastful and unnecessary. wretched regret, or is it regurgitated? room/womb...are you with child here, and is that why it is retched instead of wretched? or both at the same time? again, a spoken piece...would work on so many levels if heard instead of read...but the escapism at the last doesn't jibe with the title? where are your thoughts? all at once?
I like the parallel of logic and sensuality in this poem: careful description of sensual material thing and then giving it a mental sublimation. As the piece is a logical-knit, I think "Into eternity! line 3, comes too quick and the subsequent explanation ending with line 6 "Into memory" weakens the sense of eternity not strengthens it: as eternity is obviously more eternal
than memory. Otherwise, a perfect
poetic incarnation.
I agree with Zin. The first line is out of order within the structure of the poem and the title is enough to create the sense of the scene.
Have you seen a horse! That is big. Super big. I'm not sure any man can live up to that comparison or would want to. A four tug poem!
I like this poem... It's as if your thoughts were just poured out... then given form... 10 for the dark one :o)