a good laugh. 6. Could be expanded, He shits on the carpet, my shoes are all ripped, He knocked down my Gra'ma, and shattered her hip.

strappy red ones?

So your are saying Asians, who generally have an olive tint to the skin which many construe as being yellowish, are cowards and racists?

I'm not a fan of rhymn. i am a fan of -this renaissance of dust. don't you think the title too clinical for this piece?

excellent suggestion. here's my stanza: he don't bark at strangers/he don't chase the cat/ the mailman's his friend/what's up with that??

Z! You nailed the exact two lines I was fighting with! I'll take your musings and run! Oh, and yes, you nailed the motivation behind it as well.

how can someone feel loud because of what you had been? Inner knowingness sounds convoluted.

indeed! well since i'm on a roll with buttah, i'll make one more suggestion: 'or is it merely a series/of lines loosed on squiggles/ black knobbed on grey, an etch-a-sketch maasterpiece'

Everyone's always looking into everyone else's faces in these poems. how can their face ever be yours. are you a mad plastic surgeon?

Yahoo. I own the longest string of pointless blithering arguments... Yahoo.

1. there's not a lot you can learn rom a single sfternoon's perusal of some philospher's ramblings 2. 'for me to become a master of discipline/ would be impossible', would work better for me

Dentists are scary people. How do THEY know so much about MY teeth, that's what I'd like to know.

Thanks! I'll consider those, and maybe come up with some kind of amalgamation tomorrow... must crawl into bed for now, as I'm keeping the house awake with all of my deafening 'hunt & peck'ing ; )

lose the commas and the typo in the last line brazen. they'll get over it. sounds like they were living through you, and now you've gone and got individualized. high crime, that is.

This poem goes absolutely nowhere. It sounds like a little prose ditty and no it is not interesting.

whatever she needs.

is this one of those, 'i'll show you mine' jobbers? heheheh. seriously, though, you could tighten this by dropping 'child's' in s3--it's unnecessary; maybe say 'cradled in antique gold' ? musings, musings...

and, let's not leave out the coalesced nonsequiters...OMG!! i just made it EVEN LONGER...

Wow, this is a really moving piece. You really have a knack for telling big stories using the fewest possible words - the true beauty of poetry. 10/10

Just don't forget about her. Call her in 2 weeks, see how she's doing. Buy her a new pair of shoes.