what can I say. 10

Nice vision oh mighty one

Bemuda?????

Really quite good

Ok-7/10

maybe this is it ?

Ok

time waster. 0

Fetch the pills is a stand out. The rest I'm sad to say is overdone. It's dry and difficult to chew. I had to spit it out and hide it under the place mat. Don't tell ma. 2

I haven't seen such a pretty lyric since the French stormed the Bastille. May I memorize this. You will get all the credit. 10

how many chuffs when things go as scheduled? 4

excellent, you shall certainly be remembered as an under-achiever, I mean underappreciated bardolater. 6

permit me to say this is barely articulate, if you want to get anywhere close to poetry. You're going to have to pay the big bucks. Cause after writing this you'll be lucky if they'll even allow you to read it. 0

It's not written for toddlers who've got a basic command of English, but have never read anything in their lives that didn't have illustrations. That seems to be what most "critics" are looking for in poetry. They can just look elsewhere, and save the rudeness for toddlers who will be impressed by it. Clue: Rudeness doesn't make you a better critic. A sound critique does.

Ahhh! My barbut's on fire. 0

not a poem but great. Facista anyone?

Density isn't the issue...At the time, it was written as a message...long story. For the general public, though, I probably should add a couple more stanzas at the beginning. My perspective of the world at large might be a little skewed because I've been around mostly people who are mystics in some way, all my life. When that's a social basis, rather than one being a sort of an island of awareness in a sea of oblivion, one tends to write as if it's common. I'll see what I can do for the revision.

Morituri te salutamus. I'm certain into is a single word, not 2 separate, I looked it up for you just to be sure. Is the sun fiendish? I suppose it is fiendish to watch and do nothing. The sun, to my mind, would throw beams of bright or make waves go bright. But the sun throwing waves is hard for my particular brain to accept. These are unimportant observations, but they did come to me. Take them with a grain of salt. Otherwise ne plus ultra. I've spent a lot of time underwater. You've got the scenery right. 10

good arc. Door opens, heroe enters, darkness gives way to revelation, door closes. It should be boiled down slightly. The 5th stanza is sound as is. 7

Amputate the first 2 stanzas and you've got a 10. Try it.