W-this is much better; you have brought the ideas to the surface, and now i see tenderness in your thoughts, rather than phrases which which floated atop an empty pond. there is more that can be done to craft this into a better poem. is english your native tongue?

I'd have to agree... Rhyming can be used tastefully and rhythmically, and it can be overused. It sounds like a 3rd grade song that you use to sing while jumping rope.

Always with the soft white under-belly, someone's got to do it.

Moving a few commas might make it erotic, I think. Hone that ambition, wannabe.

I give you phlegm hockers shite on this site; but, this I like. It falls loosely into the category of social commentary.

...or, that could be in the shape of the Philippines.

just don't vote high on bachus, he likes to suck, and don't vote on blackbuns you'll knock him off the worst list, and it's currently the highlight of his wretched life wink, wink give the bastard zero's except on the legitamatly good pieces like mobile homes and you gott a read geishasblah blah and the ultimate creep-goes to mecca his new brain melt down it's got hedwig and everythingg

what are doing here, amid so much insipidity? It matters not what you do "for a living" you can write. Thank you for the inspiration. Any suggestions on other readible poets within this sight would be greatly appreciated.

This poem should be recited from the steps of every kindergarten! Dr. Seuss for the internet set. Too bad the old Doc ain't around to create the illustrations for you! Or perhaps it should be canonized/memorized by the kiddies a la Night before Christmas..."While visions of S & M dance in their heads" What would mummy say, or maybe she's the inspiration? Not awful, but the rhyming and rhythm color it with a sophomoric hue.

Don't you have school tomorrow? Go to bed. Quit sneaking around all pissed off because no one likes your poem. Don't you get it. When you run to this guy's poem and yap at him, you lose. That is what he wants you to do. You know like a mouse to a trap. So just suck it up and move on to posting your next poem. Most writers rely on more than one prize winning poem to carry them.

Now just hold on one cottenpicken minute there, Zzin. I think the poet is trying to express something more urgent and real than plenty of other alternatingly pretentious and/or scatalogical rambling rantings clogging this site, and is just having difficulty expressing her ideas well in words. Have you considered, given her country, what her native language might be? Write us all a concrete poeme in the shape of the Phillipines, and do so in Tagalog.

Today I learned about a certain fungus who's spores invade the blood stream of forest weevils. After a prescribed length of time the fungus takes control of the unsuspecting weevils tiny brain, and commands it to climb up a tree. Then the fungus sprouts into a mushroom atop the weevil's back, kills the insect and devours it. Apparently some similar fungus has taken control of your head and is commanding you to write the worst poetry possible. SUCKFACTOR/LIMITLESS Which happens to be inversly proportionate to your basic grasp of redimentory language skills. Formula: (SF * X)/(Lenore's ineptitude)= 0.

I sorta agree with them but i dont think CHILDREN would be using it.. because of the fact ur talkin all nasty like maybe ur the one with the obsession here.. ur a big weirdo.. other than that its ok i guess but like totally wrong!

Ok.. i think u have some serious issues and need to think about seeing a physcologist.. u sound like one of those fucking moms who like microwaves their babies or something.. thats sick and twisted..

OH yeah! That was the best thing ive ever seen! Bravo BRavo! BRAVO! give it a fucking standing ovation.. u say my poem sucks at least it makes sense all of urs are pointless.. and have no meaning.. u need to stop pretending.. at least i dont go around this site swingin my balls like im the best..

hah. i now you, your the god mother of my son.....would you believe somebody called me a child abuser the other day...when i lived strung out and wretched you nursed be back to health!...yes i know you!, and i know this poem i have an earlier version on my computer, glad to see you've arrived.it's a splendid piece to say the least.here let me give you the heads up, z..is good, da's great, nentwined super, babbits awfully brilliant, razorgrin,richa, and there's about twenty others the rest are like wading through a minnesota pig trough in january, i'm hitting a show on santamonica and vine i'll catch you later...oh doylum is hilarious and venus is real simmialiar to your stuff(earliar in your writing adventures reminds me of you about five years ago...love you, sorry about my b-day ramblings wish you could of made it your leo brother (little) jeremi. p.s.s have fun here it's a blast, oh yeah bachus is me when i'm pissed and loaded....so have a laugh on his shite too...ta p.sana

A perfectly accurate depiction of what goes on in the mind of the violator. Poetry is not meant to be a reflection of the poet, but a reflection of the culture he lives in. This, my drunken brother, is not only contemporary, but up intil now, timeless. p.s. Isn't your name spelled B A C C H U S?

The dishes are swept and the floor gets done.?? This hung me right up. Can't like it.

Suck factor/10

Dear girl, this is a common literary tool. I am using it to depict repititious and mindless drugery. what exactly hung you up? Are you in elementary school? Open your mind, or it will begin to atrophy..