Quit watching MTV and read a book. Then try again.

Mental Note: Do not piss off Lenore. Let's hear it for sweet revenge! 8/10

Wow, I'm there. 9/10

Shut up! Bullshit! I don't believe you or it. Never. Wah! Wah! (Little do you know your setting yourself up for the bleeding heart kill) Duck! 4}10

'storm of a thousand whispers' 'spun light web' 'sun-buttered' i am sated. thank you.

Tightning? This is about as tight as a woman needs to be, or can get forest man(I dwell there too, but I'm a cheeky devil). So. you have now been suited with a pythagorean theory. You look nice. Do a little spin on the cat walk. Write more about fish, and comment less. Your breath stinks.

very well put; sure, it's the same old same old, but I don't think I've seen it so concisely formed.

once again..i must say you have a style edge clean and un-needy..you give before you take, and your timing shows a sensibility that some take years to find let alone understand(i have no timing, still learning) i hear your words in moving pictures they play on the backs of my sleep deprived eye lids as the drive-in theaters of old, you my friend are a relic to be enjoyed with a slow turning of the hand..they will come to read you, cuz you need to be read! i salute you..

still so familiar it brings the hair up on the back of my neck..fuck! unreal! you are the aloe-vera at the shriner's hospital.. balcony.actor.emancipation proclamation.applause!!!!!!!!!!!t

Slam~Champ aye. I once seen a tornado. It was in Kansas. People died. I smiled like that bitch in your poem. Big!

babbit--actually, i had not tried it sans articles. i recently rewrote it, and you are right; it could be tighter. as for the 'cross', it's a cross rhyme with longer, and i liked the truncation of the word as well as the mental suggestion of trial/suffering that the word invokes. so, my poem has its 'cross' to bear. and longer, not only for the rhyme, but also for the sense of passage of time. as for the one-dimensional comment, that was indeen for p&k; i find your work to be layered with meaning. also, the whole point of the triangle poem, as it has come to be known in these circles, is that all balances on the 'I'. very awkward, with the weight of the world on one's shoulders, non?

oh my god.jesus fucking christ.i don't even have an award for this, but i will soon. it's an anticlimactic fusion of the source and the ending it touches everything by not trying [sik] holy shit! yes, yes indeed, i.i.i.ifeel.u.u.u. through lead, when termites sink shiny new friggates off of some barren african shore..we will hold hands as brothers fit to babtise dusk. the termites will bring the creations of man's creations down in maddening swarms, as we watch,they eat, it's a million years from now, and we have lost our fifth digits and alovar processess to evolution. born with no tonsils, or appendixs' the sun has turned red dwarf. the ants will win the war. we just watch forever! neutral.h

Blue balls! blueblueblueblue. Blue balls! okay now its time to never do that again.promise..i gave you a six just cuz i'm a cat.(you can take that as good and bad, cuz it is) bob...let the cat eat..could you?b

hi lenore...honey, you know i give two shits about spelling as long as you tried hard or were genuine, but on line 16 i'm positive you meant throne, love you.take care.fix it or not. i'll vote twice. i thought for a second it might work as thrown..then i was like naw...even i know better.loves again..be well..soft.swear.sugar.on.the.asphalt. great nasty poem it's what i call a 'puffer'. or if you like the violent femmes it's a "blister in the sun". "let me go on". "i hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record" finger up to the gods of revenge and lust and all that other glorious pilliging...go berzerk!w

you must have incredibly boring dreams seeing the same crap in each one. I must say young fellow you are the better of the gaggle of giggling adolescents that are taking up space from the real poets (five or six) on this site and that is not a compliment. anywho, hopefully college will give you a bit of experience and make these things you call lyrics and poems more interesting.

WHY SHOUT? other than that, i like it

all right p&k. i'll give it up for this one. i'm smiling big now.

interesting. I... almost like it. I might if I were in a different mood. It seems sloppily well done.

good surrealism.

the mix of archaic and modern language doesn't work here.