Re: Girl of my Dreams??? by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Dovina 12.72.13.229	12-Mar-05/11:15 AM
An interesting romance to follow as it winds through the ranker.
Re: Never Did You by Dreammaker1024	Dovina 12.72.13.229	12-Mar-05/11:12 AM
Not really a poem, maybe a prose poem. To be a poem, it should be cleverly written, unususl, and touching to an uninformed reader.
Re: Perversions 5: Kink vs. Mothra by razorgrin	Dreammaker1024 67.149.74.86	12-Mar-05/1:49 PM
Rather interesting
regarding some deleted poem...	Dreammaker1024 67.149.74.86	12-Mar-05/1:51 PM
Too much time on your hands
Re: How to make a suicide bomber by Caducus	Dovina 12.72.13.229	12-Mar-05/10:49 AM
A commentary on American policy in Iraq, and a good one. Some repetative lines, probably written in angst - "spat on your brothers" and "Killed my brothers" - "told you how to live,who to worship" and "criticized my God."
Re: Enchanted Place by Beyond_Dreams	Dovina 12.72.13.229	12-Mar-05/10:55 AM
You have some good wording here, but I don't know the subject. An art-based poem like this might come through nicely if I were looking at the artwork. I suggest in writing such a poem that you provide a link to the art.
Re: Your New Apartment by jessicazee	Dovina 12.72.13.229	12-Mar-05/11:01 AM
Punctuation would help to clarify, especially using prose poem form. As it stands, I had to keep going back.
Re: Sauvignon by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.11.13	12-Mar-05/10:45 PM
Have you ever drunk a bottle of wine costing more than, oh, $10? This is not poetry. It's a bad idea on its last legs.
Re: The Better Beggar by PodPoet	Dovina 12.72.13.229	12-Mar-05/11:07 AM
It's a good point, but I think you carry on too much. Three or four verses could say it better. And trying to maintain rhyme and beat have weakened most of the verses.
Re: wishes by the_poetess	Dovina 12.72.13.229	12-Mar-05/11:32 AM
I don't think anybody gets you. I've read the comments and see you as much younger, but like me, healthy, smart and bored. Jumping off a bridge and can't even drown. So what can I tell you except to find somepalce to feel needed and keep plugging away at this; it has potential.
Re: Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet	Dreammaker1024 67.149.74.86	12-Mar-05/1:47 PM
I like it... believe the end could use somethin else, add a lil somethin, but I still think you did a good job.
Re: Sauvignon by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 208.57.91.57	12-Mar-05/5:26 PM
2buckchuck&awinesnob. This is a lovely cock-tale of deceit.-10-
Re: How I got my Jacket back by luzrheroguy	zodiac 212.118.11.13	12-Mar-05/10:50 PM
If you've ever been closer to Amsterdam than Sacramento, I'm a cold cock. What I'm trying to say is, it shows.
Re: Deep Thought by Dreammaker1024	Dovina 12.72.7.90	12-Mar-05/5:44 PM
Not really a poem.
Re: The sparrow by woodstock20000	zodiac 212.118.11.13	12-Mar-05/10:58 PM
"Little sparrow, little sparrow, Precious fragile little thing Little sparrow, little sparrow Flies so high and feels no pain." - Dolly Parton "Who will love a little Sparrow? Who's traveled far and cries for rest? 'Not I,' said the Oak Tree, 'I won't share my branches with no sparrow's nest, And my blanket of leaves won't warm her cold breast.' Who will love a little Sparrow And who will speak a kindly word? 'Not I,' said the Swan, 'The entire idea is utterly absurd, I'd be laughed at and scorned if the other Swans heard.'" - Paul Simon
Re: The Lonely Man by i_am_the_popsicle	Dovina 12.72.7.90	12-Mar-05/5:46 PM
I rarely say this because it's a bum rule, but Show, don't Tell.
Re: Girl of my Dreams??? by thepinkbunnyofdoom	zodiac 212.118.11.13	12-Mar-05/11:00 PM
Your life is very dramatic. -10-
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.11.13	12-Mar-05/11:04 PM
I just counted and in 360 posts you've not written a single poem that wasn't about yourself. What do you think you'd write about if you were forced to write about something different? I bet: blind children, Christian knights, or kittens, in that order.
Re: Still, With Love by Dreammaker1024	zodiac 212.118.11.13	12-Mar-05/11:10 PM
What a sad story... -10-
Re: Never Did You by Dreammaker1024	zodiac 212.118.11.13	12-Mar-05/11:15 PM
This is simply awful. Can I make a recommendation? Please visit these poetry links: http://www.favoritepoem.org/poems/index.html http://www.slate.com/id/2114499/ http://www.poemranker.com/index.jsp And read until your eyeballs rupture. That's the only way your going to get close to writing a poem worth criticising. I'm not trying to be hard on you, by the way; that's seriously what everybody who wants to write presentable poetry has to do, and it shows in this poem that you haven't done it. Good luck, and let me know how it comes out! -zodiac