Re: Enlightenment by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.60	20-Jan-05/8:02 AM
Way to go, Dovina. The only queen America bows to these days is George Michaels. Kick the Brits ass.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.165.207.93	19-Jan-05/5:45 PM
You should sell this to Hallmark. What is it with the self-help poems today....
Re: American Semele (Edit) by Sasha	wilco 24.165.207.93	19-Jan-05/5:49 PM
Not too bad. I thought it said American Shemale thouth....that could be an interesting poem....
Re: Below Zero by Shardik	wilco 24.165.207.93	19-Jan-05/5:51 PM
Nice, the end did save it.
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	20-Jan-05/6:01 AM
May I be the first to congratulate you on the depth of your failure and the nonsensical desperation of your attempts to rhyme.
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	20-Jan-05/6:16 AM
I have composed a poem entitled "Cockring", please compare and contrast its qualities with those of your own: Oh my cockring! Thy constriction does sting, For, to my bellend does cling My genital bling. -=10=-
Re: Revaluations by Beyond_Dreams	wilco 24.165.207.93	19-Jan-05/5:16 PM
I can't really give you any advice. Take Macs advice.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.165.207.93	19-Jan-05/5:42 PM
ok, made me chuckle a bit.
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	20-Jan-05/6:26 AM
Forgive me if I blunder in search of the right words to express myself, it is not my intention in any way to confuse you as to my intonation: Your writing resembles a recently discarded jam rag still fresh with lumpy ladies lining. Reading your poems continues to generate the feeling one has recently gargled with effluent whilst wearing a tramp's decomposing skin.
Re: black dog by wilco	Dovina 209.247.222.110	20-Jan-05/6:33 AM
Is it from the dog's pov? The "red on black" line makes me think it's an old dog, and the master needed to kill it as we do with old dogs.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.165.207.93	19-Jan-05/5:53 PM
This one I like better than your last one I read...which actually was posted after this one, but...well....never mind, you don't care.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 64.223.173.89	19-Jan-05/7:45 PM
put the other one back up. Bitch.
Re: black dog by wilco	Shuushin 64.223.173.89	19-Jan-05/7:50 PM
Pretty not bad - slowly and slow are too close "Remembrance" (spelling). What's it about - murrderrr?
Re: Jeremiah is mud by somemorepoetry	Shuushin 64.223.173.89	19-Jan-05/7:54 PM
nice with the crows remove all the commas, put a semi after "water" "separate" (spelling) interesting visuals and conclusion - consider changing "crows" to "blackbirds" (because you have "scarecrows" later on and the duplication is unflattering).
Re: black dog by wilco	Shuushin 64.223.173.89	19-Jan-05/7:55 PM
better!
Re: Aeuphoria by MacFrantic	Shuushin 64.223.173.89	19-Jan-05/7:57 PM
"things awry" is a little vague, don't you think - maybe a missed opportunity given the sparseness here. I think its better without that last line, really.
Re: The Flower by Bhaskaryya	Shuushin 64.223.173.89	19-Jan-05/8:08 PM
what kind of flower? what makes it appealing? why "a few" - loose that. this tendency to put a descriptor to actions that you've already described (or should by other means) is distracting. Like "hasty" and "Heedlessly". and there's something unsettling about the real-time nature of this - the play-by-play, yet you put "yet unaware [that you trampled over the living]" - that retrospective though process pulls the reader right out of the moment. And really, the action speaks for itself, or could better do so. I think you could make this moment with the little twist (pluck) ending a fairly nice piece with just a little attention to the types of things I just said. Not that I have an advanced degree from an accredited poetry school or anything.
regarding some deleted poem...	MacFrantic 205.188.116.67	19-Jan-05/9:02 PM
you know...you know... *9*
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 209.247.222.110	20-Jan-05/6:37 AM
Haunting. As usual, your language carries it. Don't know if I like the line "what is revealed may not be what is truly there." What is truly there after all?
regarding some deleted poem...	Olya 83.149.205.217	20-Jan-05/9:54 AM
Dear Sasha, your translation of Russian songs is beautiful! Seems you have Russian roots. But, Krakovyak is Ukranian or Polish dance, not Russian. I doubt that people are drinking vodka at Chechnya, may be wine, and not too much, there are too many Moslems there. The guys from Chechnya never cry:"for Chechnya", they cry : Allakh Akbar. The song chilren are singing is too old to be sung nowadays. All these details are very important. Olya