Good. Sounds real, as if you actually believe it. "having" in verse 2 sounds weak.

melon is a bit vague - considering you follow with periwinkle third stanza line two - 'so' not clear on it's intent. Is it your joints that are aching so - or is it because they are aching you succumb? If the latter maybe a comma after ache? This poem has a pureness about it, I love it.

For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted. Leave the big gap but lose the -then- Love it!

Dropped the -crimson. Reformed into stanzas. I'm wondering if -melon- is too vague.

Suggestions. Lines 4,8,10 no comma L-11 split? or spilt? L-16 no comma / changet to -though L-18 IN soil Last stanza go 4 lines Penultimate- one comma after year Last line-- the? instead of her?

I would make the first stanza four lines and give -bitch- its own. I think you can lose -glinting and move suffocated by sin up. I'd also like ahint as to who is catching the hot lead. hope that helps.

the most ignorant, piss-poor limerick I ever heard but funny, though and proves that with a little embedded irony and slant rhyme you can have a good time and actually...polish a turd!

In agreement with intransit - bitch needs it's own line who gets the lead - I would like to think it's a suicide, a point made, a final thrust of guilt. Nice work, shady and direct.

I read this before you edited - you did a good job then, and now the polishing is evident. the last 2/3 lines need some personalisation - perhaps mentioning colour/markings of the eyes. Let us know your dog. :)

line 4 first stanza - all that I despise - that which I despise...something like that to rid the repitition of 'what I' just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :)

this could have been funny...nah...who am I kidding, it's god awful

Since I've been travelling and no doubt annoying the hell out of truckies (going 80k's when the limits 110) I've developed a need to know why this kind of life is so appealing. I say life, instead of work beacuse I feel in another time I think I could have lived this way. Could you write about this aspect, or have you done so? I like this poem's descriptive, insightful picture of what the life entails. But, would love to read about why.

so much said with so little words.

Excellent, excellent, excellent.

Poets.org. Watch the video. Look up the book. Get back to me. Good to see you again. Join us or you will be assimilated. what the hell?

Yes. Who AM I to call mysef a poet. I'm sure I shouldn't be writing. According to Billy Collins at least. Temerity-perfect.

This sounds vaguely familiar. Maybe it is adapted from Billy Collins as the 18-wheeling poet suggests. Haven't time to look. If not, you get an unabashed 10.

Pitiful Voting on your own poems. Insecurity is sooooo hot. OMG ur like a starving artist ZOMG

there's always a line that needs something - I see what you mean about line 8, it's a little clumsy. Yet, the line works so well with a pause after own.

no but I wish there had been