regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	3-Jul-04/6:49 PM
In terms of structure or whatever, "I never thought it possible this sinner / Could completely fall in love this soon" is the best line of yours I've read on poemranker. Do you see why? Naturally, it's cheese and more than a bit cliche. But it's also a rather nice enjambment and correct English to boot. Congratulate yourself.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 67.122.13.209	3-Jul-04/7:22 PM
I'll always remember, the first I heard that Brando was dead was through a poem. Who needs TV? Yeah, Stella, it was time.
Re: Translation by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 67.122.13.209	3-Jul-04/7:32 PM
It is very beautiful.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 67.122.13.209	3-Jul-04/7:36 PM
"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" "Zamzara Squarepants!"
Re: War of kites and fireflies by fevriere	god'swife 4.232.108.119	3-Jul-04/5:34 PM
I've read this several ties and I've grown quite fond of it. wonderful alliteration, meter, assonance- inventive. some small things bother me; Do yo mean the church itself is unmoveable or the incense within? That's a tough metaphor, you should play around with it more. it breaks up the rythm of the line. You've got a nice beat on at the beginning with the assonance of 'refuses to move' and then.... that long A in 'claimed', my ear doesn't like it. '...a high English... ' sounds more consistent to the meter throughout the poem. keep magic simply magic, attach it to the end of the 8th line, you take away it's power when you do funny things to it. the last couplet should start with the word 'Scattering' drop 'in the'. Terrfic composition.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.232.108.119	3-Jul-04/5:38 PM
perhaps not.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.157.176	3-Jul-04/3:21 PM
It would be chic to say the rhymes detract, but where sentiment is important, why not? Not bad. Are you the same person as Lydia Evelyn, or do you just share the same computer?
Re: Translation by Dovina	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/3:28 PM
quite nice, this. I think you could loose most of the commas though (not hers) and it would be stronger for it (especially the ones before "and").
Re: Mississippi Burnin. by SupremeDreamer	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/3:29 PM
A good hook. you could rather put "hang me on a Mississippi tree" and increase your market share, I think.
Re: blobby sums +-*/ by MR Blobby	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/3:30 PM
an your total is six.
Re: Recycled Stardust by Quarton	SupremeDreamer 204.31.168.65	3-Jul-04/5:24 PM
I think perhaps having wrapped up your point under the stout umbrella of science wasn't exactly the best choice you could have made... science being a beast of logical order and strict substantiation leaves little room for a poet to roam creatively.. etc, etc. Did you ever consider taking the philosophical/metaphysical approach? Which goes hand in hand with poetry much more gracefully than science, in my opinion. (and no, I don't mean to belittle science in any way shape or form-- so all you cursed magus' of strict order & verification can refrain from swarming in packs 'pon my back..) Also, the way you worded it made it obviouse that you were in the throes of seduction.. and the thing you have with stardust does seem like your modern "new-age occult hippie-ism." I liked the core idea of the poem despite all that, though my understanding of it could be my deluded twisting at work... I suggest going about it again in a less romanticised fashion and try to be more organic & I dare say aesthetic to effectively express your apparent solipsism.
Re: Why by J.B. Manning	Quarton 12.217.221.61	3-Jul-04/10:38 AM
Nice try but this just doesn't work for me. Sorry:) IMO, you should try writing poetry with no rhyme. This would permit you to use words other than those which rhyme and perhaps improve the content and flow. For most poets today, rhyme is seldom used and when it is, much skill is needed to avoid sounding forced or using words that are obviously chosen based upon rhyme and not on their merit. Robert Frost could do it but for you and me, free verse is much better. So use rhyme sparingly until you become more proficient as a poet. I hope this helps.
Re: Time's End by Quarton	Dovina 24.52.157.176	3-Jul-04/11:15 AM
After the beating you took on Recycled Stardust, I thought how good it is to read poetry about science-philosophy and how your efforts might improve. I mean this constructively: Time's End by Quarton On mountain's towering white crest, Winter’s hold weakens in warm spring winds, Tiny droplets freed from frigid grip, Meld in rills of pristine water, Gaining strength, Like visceral search for truth, Reflecting life's odyssey through time, Dancing splashes of clarity and meaning. But as rivers cease to run in Autumn, So too us, Slowly, aging waters recede, Current diminishes to a trickle and disappears. All traces gone, An arduous journey From creation to realization, to oblivion, Another cycle completed. Harbinger of spring's re-emergence The renewal of passage begun anew.
Re: Companionship by milkymilk	Quarton 12.217.221.61	3-Jul-04/10:08 AM
A little too sappy for my taste but you have some good lines.
Re: I Love You by babyBOOMER	Quarton 12.217.221.61	3-Jul-04/10:12 AM
Nothing personal but this is awful. It reads like a bad soap opera. Sorry:)
Re: Sacrificial Virgin by EAger to Offend	Quarton 12.217.221.61	3-Jul-04/10:21 AM
Though a bit confusing, I liked this. One minor suggestion; "The luscious bird hath finally flown" Hath seems out of synch with the rest of the poem and, IMO, it reads better with "has."
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.157.176	3-Jul-04/10:35 AM
"Brooding and unpretentious" well describes his life. "The moon has grown fat" on a stellar evening - maybe. Maybe a star fades or turns from red to black.
Re: When Fairy Tales Forgive Us by J.B. Manning	Quarton 12.217.221.61	3-Jul-04/10:40 AM
Too sappy and forget the rhyme. Try free verse.
Re: Cyber Junkie by J.B. Manning	Quarton 12.217.221.61	3-Jul-04/10:43 AM
Some pretty good lines in this and interesting enough to hold my interest.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/11:39 AM
Stellah. nicely done.