regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 69.0.53.55	2-Jul-04/5:49 PM
so, you didn't boil and eat him?
Re: today the world is beauty by nentwined	<~> 69.0.53.55	2-Jul-04/5:44 PM
too many times the world is this way. but as a poem, it is telling more than showinhg. and i am a dick, maybe. but that is that. a weak, insignificant teary-eyed one, whose dreams are so different than the waking world.
Re: The Passion of the Bellybutton by w~* ATHENA *~w	Dovina 24.52.157.176	3-Jul-04/9:18 AM
I don't see why you would plagiarize something like this. Maybe it was something else you copied, can't say. Yeah, being pretty doesn't matter sometimes, but hey, it's a great quality if you've got it and can use it instead of some other stuff. Okay, I'm preaching.
Re: Translation by Dovina	DreamerSupreme 204.31.164.211	3-Jul-04/9:26 AM
Oh the ways that one succumbs. Take my eight and go in peace oh ms. shady tongued and polite.
Re: Journey of a broken heart by donmiguel1960	Dovina 24.52.157.176	3-Jul-04/9:26 AM
A lot of prose here, but not a lot of meaning. Could use a lot of shortening.
Re: Telegram for Mr. Prawne by DreamerSupreme	Dovina 24.52.157.176	3-Jul-04/9:28 AM
Reminds me of an enprawning.
Re: What My Best Friend Doesn't Know by nicole081083	Dovina 24.52.157.176	3-Jul-04/9:32 AM
Yes, it sounds sappy as you say, but what are friends for?
Re: Love Slain by Mus Vai	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/5:43 AM
I like your name.
regarding some deleted poem...	edpeterson 68.79.1.86	3-Jul-04/8:20 AM
crabby patties for all
Re: Charming Distraction ( The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards) by MacFrantic	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/8:26 AM
rotary phone is a nice touch. I've been critiqued for my line breaks recently, but some of these give me pause. If no one else says anything then its just me.
Re: Translation by Dovina	god'swife 4.232.210.75	3-Jul-04/10:07 AM
Very good. I like the way you pertray the girl and the how you make here speak, good attention to detail there. The second line in the second couplet troubles me. I know there has to be a smoother way to write that. That first couplet though, is killer, great meter, concise intro, very strong, it grabs me. if you left out the last two lines in the first long stanza, it would have more impact. Let the reader come to some conclusions. Don't explain it for us. it's so much sweeter when you let the audience figure it out. Also 'you understand?' is a funny and real. It makes a nice way to end the stanza. Is she talking to you or are you talking to us? I like that. You don't need 'I thought' at the beginning of the next stanza, or 'written'. This stanzas confusing, yo9u got ''thought' twice, again, maybe if you removed the first one it would be easier, or you could change 'the' to 'these' in front of 'thought' in the 3rd line. 'of a foreign tongue' The endings perfect, so overall a good poem, I enjoyed it.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 217.42.186.254	2-Jul-04/4:58 PM
All the arbitrary line breaks just make this piece irritating to read. You want to say "grey rustle of newspaper pages turning", but because of the line breaks you think "oh I ought to pause or something", so you say "grey rustle of... newspaper... pages turning" etc. and the whole thing just sounds jagged and thoroughly unpleasant. Then you end up thinking "well maybe I shouldn't pause there", so you don't, but in the back of your mind is the lingering suspicion that the fucking linebreaks may as well have not been there in the first place, because all they did was confuse you until you eventually ignored them.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.232.108.143	2-Jul-04/7:11 PM
Practically perfect. Reminds me of Eliz. Bishop. You should think abiout removing the 'My daughter and me' basically that's what the entire poem is saying. you don't need that kind of flashing neon arrow pointing it out. I really do enjoy thinking about this poem. I read it the first time two days ago and have been carrying it around since. Actually, on second thought, perfect.
Re: Precious Thing 2 by cleverdevice	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/5:06 AM
gripping to a certain degree - maybe grasping. Lots of nice symbolism to play with, but I think *maybe* it's a tad long. and that last sentence needs to go.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	3-Jul-04/5:06 AM
See, now that's deep.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.232.108.143	2-Jul-04/7:31 PM
Nice edit. Perfect.
Re: Charming Distraction ( The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards) by MacFrantic	god'swife 4.232.108.143	2-Jul-04/7:35 PM
Yes, this is charming. You should title it simply; The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards
Re: The Militarization of America by Quarton	god'swife 4.232.108.143	2-Jul-04/7:48 PM
'An arsenal of nothingness' I'm no Isaac Newton but isn't that like totally scientifically impossible? Otherwise corn-filled mawkish tripe.
Re: Mississippi Burnin. by SupremeDreamer	zodiac 65.161.41.48	2-Jul-04/8:18 PM
If you've ever once been to Mississippi or had any closer experience to Mississippi than the now-defunct television program "In the Heat of the Night", I will do something unimaginable.
Re: Occam's Razor by Quarton	nentwined 66.92.183.34	2-Jul-04/11:51 PM
cute. a bit wordy, and I know the poem's about one facet of that, but I still didn't want to wade through the whole thing; rhythm's a bit off for me in several places. If you meant this seriously, and I see that you don't, I'd have to argue that Occam's Razor is only towards the simplest _sufficient_ explanation, and that would apply to the simplifications you make--they're context-dependant, and so it's hard to see whether they're overly-simplified or not in usage. ;) Points for the blend, though.