Re: Tattooed by DR Limerick	Dovina 17.255.240.138	24-Jun-04/3:59 PM
Comma after day. Funny, sort of.
Re: The Sea (revised) by Dovina	wilco 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/4:00 PM
I'm glad you learned to like the sea. I'm going there next week and can't freakin' wait.
Re: afraid by hbhpoems	Dovina 17.255.240.138	24-Jun-04/4:02 PM
"now instead of in the past" This is a good start. The idea is there. It needs metaphor or clever prose or something tricky because that's what poetic readers want.
Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina	wilco 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/4:03 PM
I like the thinking behind this but in liu of changing insect in the last line, I would change it in the line "If I crush an insect" to read If I crush a stinkbug or whatever. That would give the person reading something to visualize and, I think, drive your point home more clearly by stating "It was only an insect.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 17.255.240.138	24-Jun-04/4:04 PM
I don't get the connection between meeting a woman who is his match, over and over, and dying alone and happy.
Re: To A Debaucherous Lover by versus_u	Dovina 17.255.240.138	24-Jun-04/5:43 PM
Could you say whatever it is a little more simply please.
Re: Nihil Obstat by temet_nosce	Dovina 17.255.240.138	24-Jun-04/5:48 PM
As an addict to writing, I think I understand your position. But it's not clearly stated, even to an addict, therefore probably not to normal people. Zero in on what it is you're most concerned about.
Re: Control by MakenzieNy	god'swife 209.178.146.70	24-Jun-04/1:16 PM
Why do so many women put up with this fucking bullshit? Because of a million and one reasons. Iknow you love this person. I know there's something to love in evryone, but he's killing you, piece by piece. Love yourself, sweety, love yourself. Where ever you are there are groups of people waiting to help you. just ask, church, school, clinic. It's not your job to save him, save yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat your own child.
Re: Thoughts Asunder by wilco	god'swife 209.178.146.70	24-Jun-04/11:26 AM
I enjoyed this poem. It's entertaining, funny and sweet. you've structured it perfectly. 10. Now, a few things you might find helpful I. you don't need 'for' in L2. In the last line 'this' should be 'it'(you are referring to 'a life not much more than ordinary, right?) II. 'old' should be changed to an adj. which provides a richer image for the couch. You already state 'none of the beauty of youth' 'old' is redundant. Try broken, or something along those lines. If it's a real couch, then use an adj. that fits the couch. III. Can 'peripheral' be used as a noun? If not than you can remove the 'a' in front of it and Presto! it's an adj. once more. IV. Perfect in every way. Thanks for writing it, I truly enjoyed it.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 209.178.146.70	24-Jun-04/11:34 AM
When I came to the end of the first part, i.e., 'towards' you I was going to rank this a 10. Then I scrolled down and read the rest. Now I can only give this a 6. So often It's difficult to know when to quit.
Re: Johnny by MacFrantic	god'swife 209.178.146.70	24-Jun-04/11:42 AM
Interesting story. Could use some puncuation.
Re: Crumb by calliope	god'swife 209.178.146.70	24-Jun-04/11:44 AM
If you'd end this poem at L8 it would be a lot better than it is now.
Re: The Hot Job by peaceseeker	Nateislate 67.42.43.177	24-Jun-04/3:47 PM
This reminds me of the age-old question: Why are all poets attracted to shmucks?
Re: The longest day by fair12	Dovina 24.52.157.176	24-Jun-04/11:55 AM
This has some good lines and a nice flow (except for the first paragraph, which I would scratch) but I wonder what the point is. Am I missing something?
Re: Skuld Resurrected by SupremeDreamer	wilco 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/12:35 PM
Not that am bothered by it, but I think all the profanity takes away from it.
Re: Tommorrow by moonlightdance	Dovina 17.255.240.138	24-Jun-04/3:56 PM
I love the immediacy of great moments, the throwing off of caution. But I think you have dwelt on it too long in this poem. Brevity seems in order, especially for this topic. Good thoughts.
regarding some deleted poem...	Doug 205.188.116.140	24-Jun-04/2:15 PM
I'm still undicided on which is more painful to read,your monotonous prose or your heavy handed discounting of others.Oh well,like most of us here on poemranker your quite graceless at both.
Re: Yet another Morning Glory piss-take by Bobjim	hbhpoems 134.241.46.98	24-Jun-04/2:25 PM
It is a great start for something bigger and better.
Re: Tommorrow by moonlightdance	hbhpoems 134.241.46.98	24-Jun-04/2:26 PM
Awsome poem! You are a very creative writer. Nice on the playing of words
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/3:11 PM
nice story. Poets and preachers...quite possibly the most insane people on the planet. I see you didn't like my Army Limerick...com on..Sum Dum Fuk....that's funny...you know you laughed a little. ;0)