Re: Walk with you by moonlightdance	Drunk Russian Poet 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/7:55 PM
Lose the rhymes and this isn't bad.
regarding some deleted poem...	arduinn 165.21.83.247	25-Jun-04/8:25 AM
i like this... it has style...
regarding some deleted poem...	arduinn 165.21.83.247	25-Jun-04/8:28 AM
keep writing...
regarding some deleted poem...	arduinn 165.21.83.247	25-Jun-04/8:32 AM
something i can relate to.. good one here... but like hywel, i feel funny reading triple ryhme...
Re: | Broken Memory | by | Broken |	arduinn 165.21.83.247	25-Jun-04/8:48 AM
his lost. think about it.. don't quite like the second and last stanza, though...
Re: Cool In The Army by wilco	arduinn 165.21.83.247	25-Jun-04/8:55 AM
=D
Re: Sustained by Dovina	god'swife 4.232.201.121	25-Jun-04/9:22 AM
'With' is such a terrific word to start a poem. I think all poems should start with the word 'with'. That would be awesome! Hey, wordsmith, why don't try showing HOW he recognizes his own shortcomings, instead of taking the easy way out?
Re: EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	moonlightdance 69.134.115.231	24-Jun-04/7:33 PM
Just a note: try saying Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegggggggggggg you'll find it's not different from say Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegggggggggggggggggggggggg or Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeggggggg. that's because, as all choral teachers preach, you can't hold out a consonant without putting an extra vowel on the end. just a thought
Re: Someday by moonlightdance	Drunk Russian Poet 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/7:53 PM
This isn't that great as a poem, but for some reason I like it. Would be better, methinks, as a lyric.
regarding some deleted poem...	MacFrantic 198.81.26.16	24-Jun-04/7:53 PM
Wow! That has got to be... Wow! *4*
Re: Starting Mode by zenhaircut	Dovina 17.255.240.138	24-Jun-04/5:54 PM
I'd scratch the first verse. "Our soles preceed our souls," "no longer cold," not needed. "My freeform flails" Is your friend really 96 and dancing?
Re: I Am The Wolf of the Steppes by versus_u	horus8 24.130.62.63	24-Jun-04/6:55 PM
Well for one, this lawnchair, and for two my pristine nudity and Mai Tai.
Re: | Broken Memory | by | Broken |	horus8 24.130.62.63	24-Jun-04/7:01 PM
Poop pie ala mood.
Re: PATIENCE by jroday	zodiac 65.161.41.48	24-Jun-04/7:25 PM
Congratulations on making the top of the Best Lyrics list. Now, please sit down and put your pants back on. -10-
Re: Thoughts Asunder by wilco	MacFrantic 198.81.26.16	24-Jun-04/8:00 PM
Satisfying and all that. *10*
Re: Flower of Lebanon by donmiguel1960	Drunk Russian Poet 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/8:03 PM
Some of the rhymes are good and some seem very forced (i.e.- sun/shun). Other than that, not bad.
Re: Tulips for Penelope by zenhaircut	Drunk Russian Poet 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/8:04 PM
You had me at vodka.
Re: Absolution by Drunk Russian Poet	god'swife 4.232.210.83	24-Jun-04/8:29 PM
Very interesting. The first stanzas confusing, you got one night and nine months. Maybe if you put a period after the second line and remove and at the beginning of the next. I like the idea in the first stanza. 'Favorite genes' is a little corny, but one gets used to it. You need to chose between 'gone to far' or 'come this far'. the last line in that stanza doesn't feel important, it wouldn't change a thing if it wasn't there. In the following stanza the last line is so confusing. 'should...cheat,' is phrased like a question, put the puncuation's not. If this line is not meant to be a question it might work better for you if you get rid of the 'a's in front of 'liar' &'cheat'. 'but silence is betrayal' I like this line quite a bit especially for the end of a thought. the 3 questions after bring this poem down several points. Like I said, the silence line is so good, those next 3 lines just slow down the momentum. the last stanza's really good, the'ears' can be interpreted as belonging to a variety of listeners. On a personal note my son's a bastard. I told him when he was 8, before anyone else had a chance to, he took it very well. He's not ashamed of it, i've heard him tell his friends on several occasions. I don't think it has the stigma attached to it that it use to.
Re: PATIENCE by jroday	Drunk Russian Poet 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/8:56 PM
LOL
Re: Pathetic by Miggy	Drunk Russian Poet 24.176.102.131	24-Jun-04/8:59 PM
yep, sure is.