| Re: Cool In The Army by wilco |
Dovina 24.52.157.176 |
20-Jun-04/8:29 PM |
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| Re: "She Phoned This Morning" by ARTIE |
Nateislate 67.42.34.70 |
20-Jun-04/8:35 PM |
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Liked it, but the "soul doth yearn" line made me wonder what century it was.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
bwickl11 204.210.50.85 |
20-Jun-04/10:38 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 67.119.239.39 |
21-Jun-04/12:54 AM |
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With you...wonders will never cease!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
SupremeDreamer 204.31.160.168 |
20-Jun-04/4:57 PM |
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First I'm left thinking, "this could of been haiku'd or shortened."
Then I thought, "Now why the hell is he on the damned floor? fainted? drunk? 'floored' perhaps?"
and rhyming seems somewhat forced..
and no matter how hard I try, I can't see anything that I like in this one.. sorry. Plus it reminds me of youthful self-pity and the whiny days of being fourteen... and thats unpleasant, to put it mildly, since I'm guilty of having danced in it. Thank god it was then and not a day later..
Don't take my vote to heart or get, you know, offended? Wouldn't want to get boiled up over this.. though I've steamed for less, it gets boring.
Blessed with zero.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
SupremeDreamer 204.31.160.168 |
20-Jun-04/5:18 PM |
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Simple and so true. But the horus bit? looks like a desperate attempt to be funny.. but fuck it, thats like your obbligato-- it wouldn't feel right without it.. for some odd completely senseless reason.
Take the nine, and fly, fly, fly away.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
donmiguel1960 68.96.168.211 |
20-Jun-04/7:27 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 24.52.157.176 |
20-Jun-04/8:05 PM |
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A fine rendering of age, of hanging on, with the mind on the wane, body failing. We can all expect it, but I'd rather remember more than argueing crows and poison oak. Sad, but often true. Good
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| Re: Time Imperfect by MacFrantic |
Dovina 24.52.157.176 |
20-Jun-04/8:09 PM |
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| Re: Frozen Soul by TLRufener |
Dovina 24.52.157.176 |
20-Jun-04/8:16 PM |
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I don't like about suicide, but if it helps you to cope, then okay. Some redundancies could be omitted like, "The world rushed by me / At an intense pace," as one example. "You quickly broke my neck" was a surprise.
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| Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina |
MacFrantic 198.81.26.16 |
21-Jun-04/1:01 AM |
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Excellent, cruel, biting ending makes this work. Would've liked to see it split up though, and the last line should have a comma. *8*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
MacFrantic 198.81.26.16 |
21-Jun-04/1:04 AM |
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Fantastically whimsical and oddly sad, very well written. Last rhyme could use some work. *9.5*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
MacFrantic 198.81.26.16 |
21-Jun-04/1:06 AM |
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Beautifully simple...err...simply beautiful. *9*
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| Re: unbroken bottle by skaskowski |
MacFrantic 198.81.26.16 |
21-Jun-04/1:10 AM |
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"piss" kind of threw me off, and this is almost too close to prose for me, but impressive nonetheless. Great imagery and conveyance. *10*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
MacFrantic 198.81.26.16 |
21-Jun-04/1:12 AM |
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Lacking something that I cannot put my overly critical finger on... *7*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 24.222.81.233 |
20-Jun-04/12:30 PM |
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A moving family memoir with a beautiful juxtaposition of swollen balls and prisonerâs release. Ace, tops, and cigar.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Sasha 69.138.236.63 |
20-Jun-04/12:30 PM |
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Try Babelfish. That makes things interesting usually
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| Re: daughter by sarah |
titan69 62.31.29.132 |
20-Jun-04/12:35 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Nateislate 67.42.34.70 |
20-Jun-04/2:29 PM |
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Sounds like a nice place.
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| Re: Restraint by ThoughtfulSoul |
Nateislate 67.42.34.70 |
20-Jun-04/3:19 PM |
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Did you intend a connection between these 2 lines:
"For his life has been wasted with no one but himself
He has not enjoyed life to the fullest"
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