Re: Obituary for the Moon by wilco	sliver 63.190.81.28	16-Jun-04/7:59 PM
You know, I've read this quite a few times now, and I like the first two stanza's, but I lost it or you lost it when you started in on the chorus. Could you try to find what you had when you started this and continue it as more of a poem than a song?
Re: Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme	sliver 63.190.81.28	16-Jun-04/7:48 PM
Good image though, I guess you aren't as bad a poet as you think.
Re: West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco	sliver 63.190.65.144	16-Jun-04/9:39 PM
Yea, the original was better, the repetition just doesn't work here.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.176.102.131	16-Jun-04/9:59 PM
Sorry, i'd like to give you something that I think would make this better, but I got nothin'.
regarding some deleted poem...	sliver 63.190.65.144	16-Jun-04/9:41 PM
You write about each one as if tey were the only one. Kinda makes ya wonder. WHAZZUP?
regarding some deleted poem...	sliver 63.190.65.144	16-Jun-04/9:42 PM
Yes, but sometimes they go bad much sooner.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.176.102.131	16-Jun-04/9:56 PM
My only problem with this is that it sounds like it should be sung by muppets. No offense, I think it just seems too damn uplifting. There is nothing wrong with that, the wording just seems too simple. Like an off-the-cuff speech from Tony Robbins. I think you can do better.
Re: Old Friends by sliver	arduinn 165.21.83.230	17-Jun-04/1:19 AM
Great flow of words..
Re: Oh No! by foothangingoutofass	DustyStar 24.162.26.96	16-Jun-04/4:37 PM
thats just gross
Re: Outhouse by newagepoet2000	DustyStar 24.162.26.96	16-Jun-04/4:38 PM
can u say barf?
Re: EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	DustyStar 24.162.26.96	16-Jun-04/4:39 PM
hmmm EGG maybe
Re: tearthief by artiphishal	DustyStar 24.162.26.96	16-Jun-04/5:03 PM
very uhhh nice lines dont seem to go together but good I loved ure comment about the medicine cabinet's mirror
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	16-Jun-04/5:10 PM
You might consider replacing "is coming" with a more active and descriptive verb/phrase. And I'm sure I'm not alone thinking "age long" should be hyphenated, even if it wrecks the effect. And boxes should have a comma, rather than a period, after.
Re: Bowling For Turpentine by horus8	DustyStar 24.162.26.96	16-Jun-04/5:11 PM
i like this poem very good nice flow u have tons of poems i might read them all just to see how well u write
Re: West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco	zodiac 65.161.41.48	16-Jun-04/5:18 PM
I liked it better before, even if it wasn't a triolet.
Re: tripped on an eggo by horus9	Bachus 24.130.62.63	16-Jun-04/5:40 PM
D minor is the saddest chord.
Re: The Freemasons by Bachus	sliver 63.190.81.28	16-Jun-04/7:22 PM
Do you think that tho Pope hired the free masons to build cathedrals because of the designs? The free mason's don't have a lock on good architecture. And yes, the early bird does get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. You know man, you may think you know, because you have all these <books>. But there is nothing about the free masons, the Knights of Templar, Cylomancy, or anything else of that nature written in a place where someone like you will be able to just go have a look see. Good bit of meandering thought tho'.
Re: for sharon by shazpen	sliver 63.190.81.28	16-Jun-04/7:29 PM
Looking for the soul? She will never be the same. We can try to live with who she is now. Or...
Re: Paid In Full by NoSage	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	16-Jun-04/7:33 PM
father's day?
Re: The Freemasons by Bachus	Doug 64.136.27.228	16-Jun-04/7:35 PM
Are you actually serious?What is this delirious drivel supposed to be anyway?Does Elvis live in your trailer park? Did he help you compose this daft hypothesis? Though I rather enjoyed reading it. Thanks