| Re: Love by pshah4life |
god'swife 4.232.69.220 |
12-Jun-04/6:58 PM |
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| Re: Of Absinthe and Asphalt by pain killer |
god'swife 4.232.69.220 |
12-Jun-04/6:53 PM |
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What a complete bore you are.
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| Re: The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco |
richa 81.178.246.218 |
12-Jun-04/3:03 PM |
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Would echo than dancing is redundant (getting rid of it brings out the alliteration of 'waltzes with' better too).
Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless.
Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative.
Good though, well written.
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| Re: Lost by arduinn |
richa 81.178.246.218 |
12-Jun-04/3:12 PM |
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Reads quite nicely. The conflict at the end is far too cliched though, needs some kind of insight or... something.
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| Re: The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/4:10 PM |
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The first stanza and last two lines are contrived crap, the rest awesome.
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| Re: The Businessman by abcmonkey78 |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/4:13 PM |
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| Re: Of Absinthe and Asphalt by pain killer |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/4:14 PM |
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When I heard my first English nigger, I laughed, they sound just like the white ones when you close your eyes.
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| Re: Of Absinthe and Asphalt by pain killer |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/4:16 PM |
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I loved how you germinated your feet, now that's just precious.
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| Re: Lost by arduinn |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/4:17 PM |
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Pass me the boiled water and funnel.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/4:19 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
god'swife 4.232.69.220 |
12-Jun-04/6:20 PM |
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A hole that swallows horizons?
Fires burned down the beach?
Drug: A narcotic substance.
A 'rebel' of sea salt? It's insergence, not insergent.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
god'swife 4.232.69.220 |
12-Jun-04/6:25 PM |
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What's with all the pronouns? The most common mistake poetry hacks make, is not using nouns. This is a interesting as a venetian blind.
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| Re: The Chamber by nothingtoanyone |
god'swife 4.232.69.220 |
12-Jun-04/6:32 PM |
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Are you mis-spelling all those words on purpose? Not to mention the lack of grammar.
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| Re: Visions Divulge by thing1 |
god'swife 4.232.69.220 |
12-Jun-04/6:36 PM |
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| Re: Lost by arduinn |
god'swife 4.232.69.220 |
12-Jun-04/6:46 PM |
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A substancial as a miracle whip and cheez-whiz sandwich, and just as tasty.
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| Re: Love by pshah4life |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/7:02 PM |
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There isn't enough accessible chilled white wine in my house currently for me to put my pee pee on your poeme and hump it furless, but hold this and I'll try.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dan garcia-Black 64.161.176.67 |
12-Jun-04/7:09 PM |
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Ah! I remember the end of WWI so well. I like it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dan garcia-Black 64.161.176.67 |
12-Jun-04/7:13 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
12-Jun-04/11:26 AM |
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Unreadable, among other things.
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| Re: The Businessman by abcmonkey78 |
abcmonkey78 12.65.162.67 |
12-Jun-04/11:13 AM |
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To set the stage for this, I wrote this for school. We have to write a series of prologues, as there was in the book Canterbury Tales by Geoffry Chaucer. The idea is that 4 people are moving over to Amsterdam. So, as they arrive onboard their plane, the flight attendant describes each person in turn.
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