Re: To Mother by lynnstratton	TLRufener 24.158.7.169	12-Jun-04/7:20 AM
Beautiful. I love the imagery. Very touching.
Re: Untitled 48 by TLRufener	Chasz Misleading 68.225.250.222	12-Jun-04/8:14 AM
looking but never seeing?
Re: Untitled 48 by TLRufener	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	12-Jun-04/8:16 AM
Ahah! I know what it is! it is a "riddle". Or it could also be a pen.
Re: Lost by arduinn	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	12-Jun-04/8:44 AM
This would be better for a verb tense sweep. "Often I sit alone and wondered" "What does he has that Dad didn't?" stuff like that.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	12-Jun-04/8:23 AM
Dan, how many times do I haveta vote for this?
Re: Wedding Day by Caducus	arduinn 165.21.83.230	12-Jun-04/8:51 AM
Brought up nice images when I read this but I have to agree with the things Intransit pointed out...
Re: 6/11/04 11:10-11:15 AM by Chasz Misleading	zodiac 65.161.41.48	12-Jun-04/9:37 AM
I think you should change the title of this poem to "Stardate -319424.77". And "I wrote this poem in only X minutes" is the buncombe dodge of an inveterate guffer.
Re: Lost by arduinn	zodiac 65.161.41.48	12-Jun-04/10:12 AM
What language is spoken in Singapore? Is it Malay?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	12-Jun-04/10:15 AM
The first stanza is tremendously overwrought. Please, at least consider sticking a real verb in there somewhere. I liked the rest. Surprised?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	12-Jun-04/10:17 AM
Does this kind of thing work? Please, let me know. - Desperate in Al Kerak
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	12-Jun-04/10:20 AM
"hole" should be "whole". "drug" should be "dragged". "someplace" isn't a real word, even in the magical topsy-turvy land of Poetry.
Re: First Kiss by david	zodiac 65.161.41.48	12-Jun-04/10:22 AM
Did you cop the idea of false teeth sprouting flowers from 100 Years of Solitude?
Re: sweet surrender by francis nor capule	zodiac 65.161.41.48	12-Jun-04/10:26 AM
If you re-post this an infinite number of times to be read by an infinite number of retards, do you suppose you'll eventually hit on a group that doesn't mind how your title's entirely copped from Sarah Maclachlan? No, wait, I see now. You hadn't even thought of that song, you just happen to think that surrender is sweet. Bow'ls to you, francis. Bow'ls and bow'ls.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.232.108.217	11-Jun-04/8:32 PM
That 3rd stanzas a killer. Straight to the heart. Maybe you could set it apart as it's own little poem. I see it's the meat here, but she should be served as her own separate course, she's that fine. What do you think?
Re: fire has its own logic by impert&ent	god'swife 4.232.108.217	11-Jun-04/8:39 PM
There's something innocent and frail about this poem, probably the honesty and use of everyday words. Lovely, your poem. She's got a few problems but they're small. Is this a first edit?
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.232.108.217	11-Jun-04/8:47 PM
What the hell's got into you? You're writing inspired lines now, how does it feel? This needs editing but tonight I justfeel like admiring other people's children, not critizing them. I'll come back when I'm not feeling so warm and cozy.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	11-Jun-04/8:54 PM
Well IT, I like very much the use of cycloptic with the train - that feels fresh. But the billowing black smoke hasta be left at the station (get it! I make JOKE). And not sure about click clacking cackophonic... doesn't seem to quite fit in this form. Have a supremdreamer blessing of eight (at least until you quit blowing smoke).
regarding some deleted poem...	Doug 205.188.116.140	11-Jun-04/7:47 PM
Could it be any longer?My God!
Re: A Strenuous Recollection by Doug	god'swife 4.232.108.217	11-Jun-04/7:50 PM
What can I say you're like so totally awesome. i f I lived next door to you I'd spend the whole day pining at the kitchen window, waiting for you to walk out the front door, then I'd 'conveniently(teehee) step outside just hoping maybe you'd notice the new hip-huggers I bought at Nordstroms with the 80 bucks I save up from my allowance the birthday money! It must be great to be you. Nice use of torper, and lassitude.
Re: Fool by arduinn	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	11-Jun-04/8:26 PM
Wow. This one is getting lots of traffic, isn't it? Never a bad thing. I'd like to see this expanded; fleshed out a bit - and it will be better for it.