| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
6-Jun-04/6:34 PM |
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You delivered. So shall I.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
6-Jun-04/3:20 PM |
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I think a lot of people are feeling this way. Good.
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| Re: Litany by zodiac |
<~> 64.252.171.17 |
6-Jun-04/4:02 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
edwardo 198.53.203.36 |
6-Jun-04/5:02 PM |
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This is either cutting-edge or pointless. undecided. The format reminds me of javascript.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
edwardo 198.53.203.36 |
6-Jun-04/5:08 PM |
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It might be further generlised by forgoeing the naming of countries...
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| Re: wine and water by killingjuliet |
edwardo 198.53.203.36 |
6-Jun-04/5:10 PM |
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bittersweet; the language is simple but warming
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
edwardo 198.53.203.36 |
6-Jun-04/5:27 PM |
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The nonaplphabetical characters do nothing for me. If the goal was bewilderment: consider a mission acomplished. If your goal was to portray some juxtoposition of natural characters, I need more; it just feels awkward.
Apathy. But then what? There is something missing that I cannot, as a reader, put between the brackets. Perhaps help me frame by using more descriptive verbs.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
sliver 63.189.16.228 |
6-Jun-04/7:05 PM |
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Line 2 stanza 2, at dawn, fix it and I will give my 10 and my comment.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
6-Jun-04/7:24 PM |
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Great. I think I hear Billy Joel singing this one...or a sober Jimmy Buffett...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
6-Jun-04/7:27 PM |
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I think I can feel where you're coming from here..but I'm not going to say in case I'm wrong. I'd hate to look like an arse.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
sliver 63.189.16.228 |
6-Jun-04/7:45 PM |
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Ask NoSage he might give you one.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
6-Jun-04/7:49 PM |
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A bit bumpy. Just read it aloud to yourself over and over and rewrite it to iron it out. 2 poems ago took me 5 rewrites just to get it to this point and I'm still finding nits. time. patience. work. that is all.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 65.161.41.48 |
6-Jun-04/6:59 AM |
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Would you please answer this as honestly as possible; I know you'll be tempted to lie, but remember the LORD is watching:
Do you know one soldier in Iraq?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.165 |
6-Jun-04/7:25 AM |
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I don't like the bacon. Try something else. And I think you could lose the third line of the first stanza and not be worse off. Great imagery.
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| Re: paperclips by son of the moon |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.165 |
6-Jun-04/7:27 AM |
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Lose the -little fuckers. and the parentheses marks.
I like it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
6-Jun-04/8:18 AM |
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I like the beginning, but I think I'll hold off voting until you get it finished. Good job so far, though.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
killingjuliet 142.163.152.49 |
6-Jun-04/1:34 PM |
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it's good but this part is weak "So, we could remember what it means
To be the âgood guysâ and then
I could be proud of my country once again."
the moe stuff is awesome.
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| Re: Decks of Cards (So Long to the City) by wilco |
DR Limerick 213.48.75.35 |
6-Jun-04/1:46 PM |
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yehar i like it there boy!
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| Re: A short trip home by titan69 |
edpeterson 68.79.27.120 |
6-Jun-04/2:59 PM |
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abraham lincoln with a curling iron
in his pants.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
edpeterson 68.79.27.120 |
6-Jun-04/3:02 PM |
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