SupremeDreamer
on Rapid Eye Movement by wilco
25 Aug 2004, 6:52 AM
Mostly like it, specially the first stanza, the ending felt somewhat abrupt though. Blessed with nine.
Well, mes petite, you've impressed me. Think this is probly the best I've seen from you, in my opinion. Ten. And it's on the ole favorite list.
SupremeDreamer
on Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
25 Aug 2004, 6:46 AM
Quite right my friend... but you lose a point for "prince", since I can be a asshole like that and feel good doin it.
*8*
*9*
*7*
*7*
*10*
*5*
*8*
*8*
*10*
Yep, "there's a thunder" brewing below my chaps.
It's almost my turn in the pie aborting contest.
So true. Well done.
Nothing makes the night seem lonely "like" the soft fluttering in her shuttered eyes. This structure seems awkward to me. I know that "Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven and Pillsbury says it best" but, perhaps, a more direct approach to say this important thing? "The night is made more lonely by the soft, etc." You are the creator. Let not my will but yours be done. Even with the slightly uncomfortable second coming (stanza), it is very evocative of 13 years of nights spent with my ex-wife. -10-
All us stoke victims know all about the Penumbra. -9-
I printed this poem out and went to the restroom to read it. As it came to it's climax, my nut-filled bowl came to its own. Oh was that bowel? Nuts! Good. No, really! -10- Now I'll go back to wipe.
Eyes moving about while the lids are closed. She's upset. I hate those kinda nights. Good poem.
Even the doorknob becomes grief when grief is there. "The stoic moon shares it's lonely glow as if it knows."