-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on My Dumb Choice...YOU by sonawrote
12 Aug 2004, 9:55 AM
Bulgingly stupid.
Oh, "frowned upon" is it? Yes. Frowned. Thanks ever so much for pointing that out.
You turd. It's obvious you think poetry is about being raw and controversial. You put offensive words like "nigger" and "mellifluous" in your poemes to make your writing seem more dangerous. And when - shock horror! - someone thinks you're being racist, you blunder around in a massive self-righteous rant about how your work is always being misunderstood by the PC establishment. Well I've got news for you buddy:
"Your subversion is a perpetual disease"
Besides, the preferred nomenclature is "Negro".
I love your use of color. "burry (sic) itself beneath copper blankets" is a great line.
The only issue I have is with the thought of the fourth stanza continuing into the fifth so fluidly since no other stanzas do this.
To Mr pain killer
Contrary to some's held belief, poemranker is not made up one person with many different user names. As a result replying to for instance a richa and calling it a dark_angel is frowned upon.
Yours
Luther Blissett.
you know you are so very right.all i ask s.dreamer was one simply
question and he gave me that answer. the rest of the comment he could have left out.but that's in the past. now getting back to your comment. i agree! but you know nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.
i hope one day some black people wont be so touchy on the past the question is not always where we stand, but in which direction we are headed.
Seems to read ok. The ending is a bit abrupt though. Some of the language is a bit unsubtle (indestructable fate).
I am not particularly well versed in verse. My advice should always be superceded by someone who has studied poetry in some form or another. I get my knowledge from the prefaces of poetry books/ hatrack/ the odd philosophy module at uni/ reading criticism on here and eratosphere etc.
Well written, loses it a bit at the end 'souls' and 'markers' seems a touch vague.
Don't even know what a clarkie is!? Obviously you're a total n00b when is comes to drugs. And yes, of course you can smoke an E n00b.
I like the repition at the end, adds power. A little choppy, but overall a very nice concept. Stanza 4 is a tad confusing if you were looking for a revision place I might go there. Overall, I like it!
I'm a nigger, except I know how to speak clearly,
and dress properly, and I don't care about wearing heavy jewelery, or impressing my friends, and I think if more niggers toned it down like me? the world could finally get jiggy with it, and throw up a holla "west-side" from da crib. word down.
Yes, and I think if they learned how to speak clearly, and dress like gentlemen -- that would help too.
Mold bulging, is a clap full of cheer
That's kind of a random question. But no, sorry, it's actually the only residential tower in the business district of Downtown Tucson. I work in the suburbs though, if that helps.
And not to try to be overly picky, but I just hate to see that same mistake: contractions are always on the letter that you cut out (i.e. - can't, aren't, don't, etc.)
Were you afraid to fall in love with a girl unworthy?
And by the way - your from the suburbs are'nt you?
You know - the newness of a relationship,before you screw it up
with words or actions - the start of love is always the sweetest
part you remember.A young faultless couple ...an ideal.
I like a few individual lines in this, especially "To steal dots and mimic lines."
I assume "down under" refers to "inside," but I can't help seeing it as a sexual reference in this context.
I really don't understand a lot of the language in this. What is/are "the recent new of guiltless lovers?"