MacFrantic
on Thoughts Asunder by wilco
24 Jun 2004, 8:00 PM
Satisfying and all that. *10*
Because we're looking for a poetic life, when it doesn't exist.
Lose the rhymes and this isn't bad.
This isn't that great as a poem, but for some reason I like it. Would be better, methinks, as a lyric.
Jesus. That's the dimmest observation ever.
Just a note: try saying Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegggggggggggg
you'll find it's not different from say
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegggggggggggggggggg
Forget it.
an understandable comment to be sure, because now, didn't we all like the pretty graphs in our textbooks better than our professors lectures? honestly though, i think the poem puts forth its messure clearer through 'telling' than it might've otherwise
Oh my god zodiac!Your music was'nt that bad, save the recording quality.I really did'nt even give it ten seconds, because it was made by you.After revisiting...could use a bit more soul,a bit more love,maybe a bit more honesty,but who am I?A failed poet,with no sense of taste or talent.
P.S. I like Counting Crows or I think I used to like them?
Poop pie ala mood.
Well for one, this lawnchair, and for two my pristine nudity and Mai Tai.
Don't forget, "and BLACK TOO... Asswisp"
Simply because, I don't like Doug very much.
I find his writing to be lacking in every major category.
Starting with homosexuallity and ending with bean farming.
Good idea, maybe: "If I crush an insomniac word twiddler,"
And end the poem with: "No matter, it was only a poet."
I'd scratch the first verse.
"Our soles preceed our souls,"
"no longer cold," not needed.
"My freeform flails"
Is your friend really 96 and dancing?
As an addict to writing, I think I understand your position. But it's not clearly stated, even to an addict, therefore probably not to normal people. Zero in on what it is you're most concerned about.
Could you say whatever it is a little more simply please.
I like the thinking behind this but in liu of changing insect in the last line, I would change it in the line "If I crush an insect" to read If I crush a stinkbug or whatever. That would give the person reading something to visualize and, I think, drive your point home more clearly by stating "It was only an insect.
I'm glad you learned to like the sea. I'm going there next week and can't freakin' wait.