moonlightdance
on Loving You More Each Day by Katrina
25 Jun 2004, 12:38 PM
normally acrostic poems suck, but this was really great! like dark angel said, you really phrase perfectly the feeling of love
the beautiful thing about the english language is that it is so diversified and evolving. poem can easily be one syllable or two. i don't see the big issue here, though i am rooting for two, just because it's funnier.
also amelia: two syllables or three?
BLOBBY BLOBBY
Blobby blob
I take it as a kind of priestly advice for gaining "Absolution" for having committed the perceived sin af adultry, advising the woman to tell her child his breeding. She questions whether to tell, apparently because of guilt feelings. The last verse is provocatively ambiguous because we don't know whether the "ears" are the child's or the world's. Good.
There are many many women who plan to raise their children without committing to a man, I think that's why it doesn't have a stigma anymore. Idon't think it's good for children, that wasn't what happened to us. My son's father is dead. He was murdered when my son was 3&1/2. He was the sweetest person I ever met.
=D
his lost. think about it..
don't quite like the second and last stanza, though...
No, thank you... I'm happy with the way I am...
Thanks for the comment and 10 nonetheless..
yep, sure is.
second that.
LOL
Drunk Russian Poet
replying on Getting the Cool Kids To Like Me by the codeine kid
24 Jun 2004, 8:49 PM
ummmm, hey...you need to....nevermind.
How's this? I think it still has the stigma but the young ones are just too..i don't know...naive? to really understand. On the other hand, if dad's a complete ass, then maybe you just don't care.
I loves it.
Very interesting. The first stanzas confusing, you got one night and nine months. Maybe if you put a period after the second line and remove and at the beginning of the next. I like the idea in the first stanza.
'Favorite genes' is a little corny, but one gets used to it. You need to chose between 'gone to far' or 'come this far'. the last line in that stanza doesn't feel important, it wouldn't change a thing if it wasn't there. In the following stanza the last line is so confusing. 'should...cheat,' is phrased like a question, put the puncuation's not. If this line is not meant to be a question it might work better for you if you get rid of the 'a's in front of 'liar' &'cheat'. 'but silence is betrayal' I like this line quite a bit especially for the end of a thought. the 3 questions after bring this poem down several points. Like I said, the silence line is so good, those next 3 lines just slow down the momentum. the last stanza's really good, the'ears' can be interpreted as belonging to a variety of listeners. On a personal note my son's a bastard. I told him when he was 8, before anyone else had a chance to, he took it very well. He's not ashamed of it, i've heard him tell his friends on several occasions. I don't think it has the stigma attached to it that it use to.
You had me at vodka.
Some of the rhymes are good and some seem very forced (i.e.- sun/shun). Other than that, not bad.