Shuushin
on Sustained by Dovina
26 Jun 2004, 8:40 AM
"Semptember smog" is a very nice combo.
the ending is good, but I'm left wondering, despite the pleasant impression, what this is about.
You're such a fat cock. Is this your idea of "constructive criticism"? It's exactly the same as saying "shit poeme, -0-", except instead of telling the truth it inflates them with an absurdly misguided sense of whooshing pride. Perhaps you're thinking of writing some buncombe along the lines of "well I think its important to encourage people to write poetry, just because you dont like something doesnt mean it isnt good". Well don't.
great poem, keep up the good work
good poem, -9-
you have done big cockup mr Blobby
the real one would not say fishy he can only say blobby
you must go and read my limericks this should maken you feel mutch more Blobby.
Yar i is likeyn dis limerick the dr say send some more 2 times a
day ist best for you.
There once was an ass from Sheffieid,
Who's keyboard's buttons were concealed,
save the L,O,Y and B,
He tried to press others you see,
but, blobby blob blob was all it would yield.
I don't like the form this was written in at all. It makes it seem unlike poetry. If you had just written it in a different form, I think that would have made it a lot better. My rating won't reflect that, though. Just for future reference.
-Nichole-
P.S. - I'd appreciate it if you'd read and review one of my poems in return.
Very true...
I like this. It's harsh and blunt, but I like that it's straight-forward. The rhymes don't really distract the reader eithre, especially at the end. At the beginning, they were kind of shoddy, but it's okay, because the poem was good. I really enjoyed this. I hope to see another one like it...
-Nichole-
P.S. - I'd appreciate it if you'd take a look at one of my poems too.
"breaks upon his face" WARM... I bet.
poop.
pull out your chisel and fez.
Fickle Cocca 10!
spelling and grammar aren't what poetry is about, but the lack of them distracts from the message. All that aside, I could see the feeling behind this. Avoid cliche - deeper _than_ the sea, is not a fresh image.
Lots of good things here - just needs a touch more to hold it together for me.
interesting...
A mysterious kinda thing, I won't even say all the interpretations it could have or the problems with them. Let it be for the intuition.
I take your vote and comment here and your co-opting my title for your recent post as retributions, perhaps deserved. You have been with poemranker for a long time and have written some good poems, made a lot of deservedly respected comments, and have generally established yourself here as someone worth listening to. I could say that your Bukowski poem does not follow the generally accepted elements of poetry and therefore give it a 2 or something. But I like what you are saying and would give a ten, as many others have done, whether it tells, shows, or conforms or not. I could say the same for much of your work.
I am new, and you have far less with which to judge me, but apparently it has been enough. I have written âa piece of utter fucking crapâ and I am one of the âstupid, spineless, folk.â I didnât mind that so much and figured it was part of a general rant. Thatâs why I said, âThank you for finding my poem a suitable place to vent your frustrations.â
But your diatribe continued: âHow much thought did you put into this poem? How much have you studied about the craft of writing poetry? If this poem is any measure I would have to assume the answer to both these questions would be 'none'.â âYou are flat out telling me that God has a special Wonderland . . .â âIf you want to write a poem about your faith . . . then it would be far more interesting and touching to show me what in your life has convinced you of this.â These comments are far more cutting than the first.
I responded: âI find it a great comedy that people who devote so much energy to the accurate phrase, the descriptive word, can mire under word-clouds of misunderstanding. The audience reading this will surely laugh as I say that you have totally misunderstood or I have totally mis-written. Sorry to have bothered you.â
From there it only got worse. Iâm not seeking a feigned look of sisterly understanding. I would rather hear your bashing if thatâs what you mean. In that case I will have to decide how to act in a world where a significant fellow voyeur is hostile.
You may well be right about that. I'm sorry to hear that, but it sounds like you're doing a good job carrying on.