sliver
on you by killingjuliet
30 May 2004, 6:47 AM
This one I like. good images, and I can almost smell the lilac.10
I couldn't seem to find the flow.
I return your 6.
zodiac... do you have yahoo messenger?
...maybe you will find it easier to face yourself and talk without the shields where not everybody can see.
yahoo id- dialectic_transgressor
whichever way the discussion goes is your choice but no way will i do cyber-sex with you so dont get no ideas. either ranting at one another...or discussing calmly like adults... you will come to the same conclusion about this either way...unless you keep running away.
tell me zodiac, i am struggling to understand something.... why did i get the following in my email but didnt see it when i came here?
From : poemranker <support@poemranker.com>
Sent : 30 May 2004 12:46:59
To : ************************
Subject : [poemranker] Reply to your comment on Suicide of the Ego
| | | Inbox
User zodiac replied to your Poemranker comment on "Suicide of the Ego" in which
you said:
> p.s- you spelt dysfunction wrong
Their reply was:
No, you did. Look again.
You can view "Suicide of the Ego" and its comments here:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i d=103282
- poemranker.com
maybe because you think you got it right... but then you did look and saw you weren't right?.... repeat this pattern in every area of your life, if you dare to see how much of it you have fucked up with your self righteous attitude. and then you will start getting it. see what i mean, you dont have the balls or the brains to be able to understand the poem. and that sounds self righteous... but the difference here is, i am right... i am trying to show you something...and you are so fare up your own ass that you wont allow yourself to admit that someone has got things sussed out just a little bit better than you have... you could be so much more than what you allow yourself to be. and if you have read the reply to the gay marriage haiku, and were capable of being honest with yourself, you would see that.
the reason i have been rattling you emotions? to wake a sleeping monkey up, you have to rattle it's cage a bit.
No. But one should not ramble. Stellar use of exclamation marks, though. As always.
Hi, welcome to poemranker, and stellar poem! I've developed a really ultra-stellar tool to help budding poets in their writing, and posted it at this URL: http://tinyurl.com/ywr5z. Good luck and keep up the stellar work!
Not as stellar as the other ones, I'm afraid.
The most stellar ode about finding out a girl's gay and yelling "you bitch" on poemranker, minus 2.
Sweet and quietly stellar.
p.s- you spelt dysfunction wrong
6) And I think now, would be a good time once again to say, loud and clear "I GOT A CAN OF WORMS AND I LIKE FISHING"
7) Each time you return you look like an even greater ass than before, I laugh at you then drop some more bait, so I will be entertained next time I come on here, in fact, fuck it, I need not write, read, comment or vote on this site ever under any of my names because you just might be stupid and egotistical enough to keep biting every time I leave the bait for you.
8)You call horus a rampaging egotist, maybe he is, but notice how he didn't bite? Because he's not stupid and gullible like you are, because in this type of conversation, you can only be either led round in circles... or made a fool out of.
9) No, it wouldnât surprise me if you were a chimp, and a badly trained one at that, was that supposed to throw me? Your pathetic lol
10) Now you have completely abandoned your own petty rules that I allowed you to impose on me, and even though I am still following them still I am leading you and sitting back watching you...you look and seem and probably like a turd stuck on a U bendâ¦explain why?
1) Once again, and Iâll say it nice and loud for you
I HAVE A CAN OF WORMS AND I LIKE FISHING
2) Oh my poor little fish, you really donât see whatâs happening here do you? I have now told you several times that I am manipulating you and leading you, playing mind games on you, and still you keep biting, the paradox here is that it is your stupidity that may well bring you understanding because the more you bite the more I am going to lead you. If you stop trying to use the superficial humour as a shield, you might actually get a lesson.
3) See fishy, here we have the tragedy of ego, you know your being led into this, and are probably aware that you're making a complete tit of yourself in doing so, but your ego will not allow you even to back of from a subject revolving around nothing for fear of admitting that you cannot win this and you brag to everyone saying you have won this, when if you hade any wit about you at all, before you took the bait you would of known that you cant win this.
3) Zodiac my little fishy-bitch... some of us have lives to attend to other than trying to prove some sort of point over the internet to a load of people that you probably donât even really know at all...but I do apologise for the delay, I was busy, y'know, going outside and living? You should try it sometime.
I now see something else in you... as well as the issues you have about your sexuality you also seem to have some sort of inferiority complex.
4) What the fuck has Buddha got to do with this? Other than he looks like your mother.
5) Do you really think I give a fuck what you think about who I am, I have more than 2 identities on this site, you see fishy, it's just like I been saying all along -you know nothing, just like I know it, the fact that you believe and accept what you see in front of you as the truth tells me you are one seriously gullible fuck-wit...as well as the fact that after me telling you I am manipulating you into doing this how many times now? And still you come back because youâd rather waste your own time getting your minuscule limp little prick twisted in knots than just to simply go away...because you are so scared that it will look to everyone like you have lost, when you are in fact if "winning" was your quest here, you had already lost as soon as you bit back to my first reply.
this more properly goes in the 'metaku' category.
cute, though.
I listened to your tunes today.
I'd jack up the grammar inducers by at least half. Your comments read like old samurai film subtitles. And what do you mean by "things can be 'dulled' without be 'non-sharp'" anyway?
Bang your shed... Heavy metal drives me sad.
Stop filling the recent comments page with colossal swathes of bunc'm.
You could say this poem is about a woman (re)claiming and refashioning the 'belle dame' stereotype historically used to denigrate and oppress her, making it instead symbolic of archetypal feminine power (i.e., the 'Lilith' who uses whatever tools are available to her, including her much-villified sexuality, to subvert men's [physical and cultural] dominance,) in much the same way as Pat Benetar's "Love Is a Battlefield" video did in the eighties. But I bet you weren't thinking about all that, especially since third-wave feminism is mostly a joke played on women by [still-sadly-dominant] men.
Also, "smokey" should be "smoky",
"judgement" should be "judgment",
"syrines" would be better "sirens",
"facaude" should be "façade" (I think),
"She" in "She grows desperately" should be lower-case,
you're missing some punctuation after "fire", which is not very effective for me as a closing line, anyway,
and you might consider not ending every line at the end of a sentence or clause (i.e., at a comma or period) as this is widely considered bad form.
Otherwise, not bad. Better than your other one, anyway.