nothingtoanyone
on Only I wish I could say.. by PunkyPanda
27 May 2004, 10:11 PM
Hello my Yello Jell-o just to let you know I'm right here for you and dont let a guy get you down.
love always your friend,
A. Person
I have a suggestion and would you please do me the favor of taking it halfway seriously? The suggestion is this: write a poem in which something happens. It shouldn't be something very big (i.e., death) or important (ibid.), just anything - some action from beginning to end. I'm not asking you to change your whole whatever, just take a crack at it and see if it feels better than being endlessly mocked for posting these same silly angst poems. What've you got to lose, really?
Please, I'm being utterly serious right now, having just watched a very touching movie in which something very moving happened to a lonely man who didn't do - something I can't remember, or maybe didn't catch in the first place, since I was bawling childlike tears from the first scene on.
Wait, that didn't come out right. I mean to say that I'm not such a monster as the people on this site would have you believe. I DO believe in constructive criticism, and this is it. If you want to improve your writing, you'll try my idea. Consider it an experiment - like broadening your horizons, or a homework assignment from a kindly science teacher whom you've secretly had a crush on all year. Thanks so much for reading this far. I look forward to seeing what you can do. -zodiac
Adjective. As in "the still waters," or something such. This is, to my recollection, the third time I've been called on using still as an adjective. Doesn't everybody do that?
Are you blind? It's CLS.
I really like this hun :)
Lol. That's where you stick your penis in your mother and implode like an empty can on Uranus. I have the scar, I can prove it.
See http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Like the country you envoke here, your poem needs work, but it's good. Can't get into it now, I'm at work.
That is sort of.....Zappaesque?
Smashin. Only one thing leaves me wondering:
"Ignotum per ignotious"
What exactly does that mean? I have no knowledge of latin. Other than that, blessed with ten.
Amendments made you're right. The end however I have to disagree and think it says everything I wanted to convey.
Good to see you still on here.
Oh and i was a part of the childs brief history, before she prematurely ages by following her mothers lifestyle
Yes, this does tickle my fancy. Nice write. Blessed with nine.
Is 'still' noun or an adverb in that sentence?
And here I thought your heart was square.
Jeremi B. Handrinos
replying on Humpty Dumpty's Regrettable Fate by MacFrantic
27 May 2004, 12:09 PM
Now gentlemen, shouldn't we all get along?
Should it be '...smooth her...'(S5L3)? The more I read this the better it becomes. Especially S'3 & 4. Also "let her be a childlike", seems incorrect.
It's hard to know who you're talking about at times. The child or the mother?
"Her littler girl smiled at me
With HER(whose, the little girls or the mother's?)green nose..."
You were part of who's 'brief history'?
The prepositionals at the end are terribly awkward, and what exactly is 'a rebirth of destiny'
No. Yes. No...maybe. No, definitely no. Well if you made it about you, or some actual human experience instead of this kiddy story type thingy. You have skill, I'll grant you that, but why errant knights and dragons? And please don't scream allegory or deeper meaning because if there is any then you completely obscured it with your Dr. Suessian foolishness. Also, why do you say one of the fellows 'cleaned' dull weapons instead of 'sharpened'?
No, not even Spongebob, with his deprecatory charms, could salvage this. Well, maybe if you dressed him up as a Damsel-in-distress. Give it a whirl.
this is my first poem and i think it is a very good one. i know that is not very modest, but the neither is johnny dowd...or tom waits for that matter. now i know i'm no tom waits...but i aam the codeine kid!
also bystander's