<{Baba^Yaga}>
replying on The Other Side Of Never by <{Baba^Yaga}>
18 May 2004, 9:01 PM
Did you take your poem back to the garage and put some new wheels on it darling?
I'm not going anywhere.
Please don't go Sasha? You'll make us cry.
thanks.
Agreed - I gave you the benefit of the doubt with the nine.
It flows better with music. I know it's hard to get the right flow with a lyric, though when you don't have the music with it.
Pretty.
I'd like it flow a little more - quite a few one line sentences and the many prepositions, articles and pronouns don't help the cause.
Still, some lovely language in there.
again, I got the inside scoop and now understand the meaning behind the words. Great stuff
Boom in
Thank you all my friends I will take your advice. I do need more
experience in writing poems.
You have perfected the art of appearing both irreverent and smug. Well done.
I like the way you have an incongruous lewd in the middle! It shows you have the guts to tell it like it is, and screw anyone who can't take the truth.
a) You're a talentless nobody.
b) You haven't written any poemes that rhyme 'love' with 'above' you dunce.
First, I think that you definitely need to get some more experience before you write something like this. It's a good sentiment but you're ruining it with your lack of style and understanding of how to write. Take the advice of SupremeDreamer.
hello pall is me your old mate T69
see your still trying to wright peoms?!!
althugh i hate to admit it this is quite good. 8/10