some deleted user
on It's A Long Way From Heaven by Blindpoetry
27 Apr 2004, 7:46 PM
I see the progress from infatuation to failure with a family in the way, but some lines are vague: "colorful aspects" "I hit the ceiling fan"
just so you know I looked it up:
in·dign - adj.
Archaic. Unworthy.
Obsolete. Shameful; disgraceful.
yep. U is crA-Z
There should be a separate category for this kinda stuff.
"last piece of my" - what?
again in l3 - this is on purpose, right? Why?
oh - I see you've been informed already.
This would be a nice piece with the self-pity dialed back maybe one notch.
Quite a bit of good in it.
If you say that I have failed in the wrighting of this poem then why did you give it a -10-?
What an amazing selection of nude poems we have today. "the dryness of a brown circling tomb" is especially nice.
How can the absense of something fill something? Absenteeism?
Best lines: You found me running/ I saw you falling/ We collided
"Colliding against my will of misfortune" is the main bad part. The rest is okay.
zodiac
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 5:33 PM
You have the aura of election upon you.
Ask him if the use of "A statue of apprehension" in this poem is guff.
D.A, I am so pleased by your sensibility and understanding, it's stupifying. The fact that this line has created so much controversy because some people are too narrow minded to realize that the answer is not tangible, is what poetry is really about. Weeding out the fish-eyed ignorance is key.
SupremeDreamer
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 4:57 PM
I'm right? wonderful! lets celebrate with champaign and coffee with whisky!
some deleted user
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 4:50 PM
You're right, of course, I was relating my first impression which seemed depressing.
1. Not without some sort of implicit context.
2. Are you denying that there could be such a thing as a statue of apprehension, or that it would look like Sleeping Beauty? To deny the former is obviously buncombe. The fact that you can't easily think of what it might look like doesn't mean it couldn't exist.
But to deny the second is equally buncombe. It might once have seemed plausible to deny that a statue of liberty could like a woman holding a torch, but obviously it could. Is your imagination so withered that you actually need to see a statue in the shape of Sleeping Beauty that represents apprehension before you can accept there could be such a thing?
Perhaps you could use "sign" instead of statue.. I believe that would work.. but this piece doesn't really tickle my fancy at all. It does tempt me to write my own version of it including giant mushrooms and drunken horny gnomes, but then again, it doesn't irritate me enough to motivate my quill to create such a mockery.
1. You can have "a statue in the shape of his".
2. Can you tell me what a "statue of apprehension" looks like? No. Perhaps something like Liberty fearing choking on the Fonz's enormous glans, but not like Sleeping Beauty. Which makes both MacFan's explanation and yours crap.
For once I've been blathering about something which I actually believe, which is that it's a silly crap thing to say "a statue of apprehension." MacFan, I tend to like your posts, probably a lot more than -=Dark_Angel=- does, but I think this one's pretty bad. Okay?
End Transmission.
DreamerSupreme
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 4:12 PM
Perhaps you would like a prescription for my naughty 'n looney dope filled cocktail? It helps loosen stool and promotes healthy bowel movement, it also causes one to expel excess gas with ease!
I have just one nit-pick:
"I held myself in my arms"
Just curious, how exactly did you manage that? lol.
Anyway, you have earning a blessing of seven.