-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 4:04 PM
I think you should replace it with the craziest, naughtiest cocktail of as many drugs as you can. Then you would be the coolest poete around.
DreamerSupreme
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 4:03 PM
My pen is but a slave at times to my mood, so forgive me. Flesh and beauty fading into subtlety is inenvitable; we grow old, become unsightly- with enough age, most won't notice me, you, your children, etc.. then comes death. That is what life leads to into order to end; beauty is in the eye of the beholder- like my father used to say:
"All these wrinkles, my young & foolish son, are marks of strong character and amazing handsomeness."
heh.. And besides, I've always believed that poetry incorporates everything; good, bad, beautiful, ugly, happy, depressing, controversal, etc, etc, No?
And I wouldn't say my piece is anti-life.. it inspired you to think of good things around us no? Plus some folks would consider a perpetual striptease to be the ultimate heaven. :) Everything has more than just one face.
Excellent. But xunitedx promised me a proper limerick. If it were posted as a poeme that would be even better.
some deleted user
on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 2:58 PM
It's not anti-women, it's anti-life, depressing. What's to write about if flesh and beauty are
faded into subtlety - depression? I wish you could make what we do more appealing. Still not badly written.
1. 1 and 3 aren't the same thing. You can't have "a sculpture in the shape of his", but you can have "a sculpture in the shape of Ancient Greece".
2. This blabberwhig about 'Liberty' won't do at all. Saying that the Statue of Liberty is in the shape of Liberty doesn't somehow get around the fact that it's a statue of liberty. The statue of Liberty isn't concerned with accurately portraying a particular personification of liberty, but with portraying liberty. It could have succeeded in the former but failed in the latter, e.g. by portraying Liberty forced to gag on an enormous bronze glans.
Similarly, a statue of apprehension needn't concern itself with portraying a particular personification of apprehension ('Apprehension'); e'en if it did, that wouldn't be a guarantee that it was a statue of apprehension. It could be in any shape, as long as what it was in the shape of was taken to be a reification of, or otherwise represented, apprehension.
Enjoyable read, though some of the wording seemed slightly irregular to me here and there- probably just me. Blessed with nine.
SupremeDreamer
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 2:16 PM
I stick internal rhyme in my writing without even thinking about it anymore.. guess its one of the good side effects of writing a whole lot. Can I ask you something? does the piece come off as really misogynist? Does the weed bother you? Think I should instead replace the cannabis with Prozac?
SupremeDreamer
replying on Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer
27 Apr 2004, 2:12 PM
oblivion becomes me is now cut and buried in my boneyard of failed verse.
As for misogynism, where exactly in the poem do I attack women in general? its just my way of comparing teasing strippers to the rise & setting of the sun- its the sort of thing that pops up in my mind.. I didn't intend to attack women in general at all. Plus the poem is me comparing life to a striptease.. I don't think theres any way to avoid being offensive twards women in this piece, but if you have some amazing way to make everyone happy, please show me.. but frankly, thats impossible- its also not a goal listed in my agendum.
As for the pot? I don't care about the response that gets me.. maybe I should mention valium or extra strength xanax? cmon now.
You're right, I am unaware of any offensive poemes written about -=Dark_Angel=-. In the hope of reading one, I shall say this:
Your poeme is very bad.
lol
1. & 3. are the same thing. Neither of them work for apprehension, denoting as they do possession or origin.
2. The abstraction 'Liberty' has long been personified, as have 'Brittania' (or Britain), 'Spring', and 'Hope', among many others. In France, where the Statue of Liberty comes from, Liberty has been represented as a woman for hundreds of years. The Statue of Liberty, then, is a statue of the woman Liberty, who represents the quality liberty. There is no widely-known personification (or anythingfication, really) of apprehension.
4. Doesn't work either.
Perhaps I would have better said 'A statue of apprehension' just doesn't sound good to me. It doesn't immediately connote anything for me. But I find I've finished my Blake paper with no time to spare and must off to the Professorium to deliver it while wrapped gently around a throbbing cock, after which I will go somewhere sunny and sleep until tomorrow. This is as much of a 'life' as I desire right now.
More, simply because of the cold.
Consider the following:
1. "A statue of his"
2. "The Statue of Liberty"
3. "The statues of ancient Greece"
4. "A statue of monumental proportions"
None of those fit with your closed-minded, male chauvinistic definition of "a statue of X" as "a statue in the shape of X". Why don't you get a life buddy!!1
Do you think Detroit is more, or less, evil that L.A.? Other submissions will be accepted, especially if they are Atlanta or Miami.
A nude personifying apprehension. On a plinth.
Very necely done! Especially "Gutter Stamen to Skyscraper pistils."
A statue in the shape of apprehension.
So Z, what is your definition of *statue of apprehension*?
In poetry, things can mean anything you want them to mean! When will you learn that the normal rules of writing just don't apply?