Shuushin
replying on I'm Alive! by sonawrote
25 Mar 2004, 8:01 PM
Oh. Just the title, or the whole damn thing?
You kids and your rock and roll.
o lol ! I didn't see that I messed up on that!
it's already a hook in a song. Pearl Jam's Alive.
AskittlesK
replying on Untitled *involves taking pills and cutting with razors* by AskittlesK
25 Mar 2004, 7:48 PM
well they weren't boring too me ,..... I just wrote a poem about what exactly pretty much happended.
Because to sew them, you would first of all track them down, and then have a large enough needle and enmough thread to do the trick. It would also probably be rather messy, as human beings have a tendency to bleed when needles are pushed through their flesh. Not that it's necessarily a bad idea...
As for the idea of suing them, I don't believe they've ever done anything they didn't promise to do. Your work is publsihed in an anthology -- if you pay. And suing them on the basis that they promise all the works would be outstandish runs into the tricky defence of artistic merit.
ok... well if its a scam then why hasn't anyone done anything about it? like sew? cuz I mean if you can sew your prom date for not taking you to the prom (yes, yes that possible and the prom date that was dumped usually wins) then i'm sure you can sew them for running a scam!
When colors collide and make one color, it will turn into a different color, correct? ... and if all the colors in the world collided, then the resulting color would, in fact, be black. Black meaning confusion and distaste, maybe? ...you know that if you mix the colors that they will all turn black, but you don't know why...
Kind of like this poem. I 'collided' all of my thoughts and made them turn into a 'black' color... Confusion and distaste, if not any other adjective.
You know that if you mix all of your thoughts togather, they won't make any sense, but you don't know why.
Or maybe we do.
Because the words don't make sense? ... but colors make sense. You see the black, don't you? ... and you see the words.
So you don't know why. You see the words. You see the black.
You don't understand why the words don't make sense. Why can't they be re-arranged to make sense?
...Why is the color black the resulting color? ... Why not pink, blue, brown, red, purple? ...
Eh... Thats how i think of the poem and how i named it... - of course, this could make no sense, whatsoever and I could be making a fool of myself (which is was i'm feeling right now) .... But... I think its healthy to express my thoughts every once in a while, don't you think?
"More transparent than ever."
Some good free-flow imaging, and too many repeats for my taste. It's a poem I feel and don't feel a need to understand.
hm... okie dokie
thanks
Well, I like it for the unusual construction. Does the repetition work? Might be a tad overdone.
I wonder what the consensus will be.
Either way I can deal with it. The last fourth is a bit pimply yet it stays entertaining enough - probably because it doesn't come off as taking itself too seriously.
Thanks.
and done.
quen[t]ched (no T) - quick fix it before u get votes!
What does that mean?
nice title.
"but yet" - pick one (not but). Lie.
what made you think they were hopeless? What did that scene look like? Show me that.
Does the last line [of the poem] mean that the line, as in ancestry, was lost?
Lorquine is a type of butterfly, isn't it?
not after that whole "I thought he was a girl" thing back in '93
Agreed. Maybe there are humble poets still alive, but anyone having the audacity to put thoughts and heart to paper - and then to share them with the world, must be quite entirely full of themselves.
And in so doing, may sometimes be taken lightly.
I'm okay with it too - could do without the lowercase i's though - they distract from the piece too much.
Too much self depreciation can get old quickly.
Something about the cadence of this:
"In a mass choking under the weight of
So much life,
So much indecent need for
A place to hang a hat
And eat a meal
By a fireplace with a gorgeous wife
And two lovely daughters."
that works quite well; the line breaks together with the prep phrases - usually I hate that.
somehow works here, in that part at least.
I'd like to see that last stanza reworded so "golden" doesn't sound like a cheap modifier, as if you said "oh, I have to put an adjective here"
-a candlestick of brass/gold
-a reflection in candlestick gold
-a slice of cheddar cheese
(usw)
re "Still, it's nice. A humble poet is not to be taken lightly":
Do you have any idea what you're talking about? A humble poet is absolutely the first thing to be taken lightly, followed closely by stop-signs, 'deep thoughts and other abstractions', and dire predictions of global climate change.
It's tongue. Not tounge. Tounge sounds like a lounge in town. I never go into town.