zodiac
on Early Morning by fevriere
2 Mar 2004, 10:49 AM
Wander... wonder? bothers me.
Really the only part of this I don't like is the name Timmy. You'll have to excuse me if that's your name - but I don't believe you, since I don't believe anyone is really called Timmy. It's just a name we made up because it sounds like a typical innocent little boy's name. And it reminds me of that Mr Wizard spoof (on 'Dinosaurs'?) where Mr Wizard keeps saying 'We're going to need another Timmy!' every time Timmy gets his head incinerated by a jet engine or something. I'd be much more interested if his name were Larry, Lester, Jubel, or almost anything else. Or just 'Dead Child'.
That, and I think 'digs his OWN small part' has a better rhythm. Maybe. I'm not sure on that one. Try it out.
And leave the off the periods after churchyard - at least after the second one. Great poem, by the way.
sod[s]?
I like the cadence of this very much - for me it's the subtle rhyme with talk/part, which was worth repeating.
But what is it with Tims and holes?
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
INDEFINITE SPACE (Specialized: style/experimental), P.O. Box 40101, Pasadena CA, 91114. Established 1992. Editor Marcia Arrieta.
Magazine Needs: Indefinite Space appears annually. Wants experimental, visual, minimalistic poetry. Does not want rhyming poetry(!) Recently published poetry by Lisa Fishman, Dan Campion, Jeffrey Little, Craig Hill, W.B. Keckler, and Rob Cook. Indefinite Space is 36 pages, digest-sized, with b&w art. Single copy: $6; subscription $10/2 issues. Sample: $6. Make checks payable to Marcia Arrieta.
How to Submit: Accepts simultaneous submissions; no previously published poems. No fax, e-mail, or disk submissions. Seldom comments on rejected poems. Guidelines available for SASE. Resonds in up to 3 months. Copyright retained by poets.
(Thanks to Poet's Market 2004. Another great great resource is The International Directory of Little Magazines & Small Presses, by Dustbooks - it gives more information on what each possible publisher wants.)
If you are going to use punctuation use it the way through.
Needs a comma after insulated in the first verse and why the arbitrariness of capitals.
First verse does not make much sense grammatically.
Quite like the idea, the wisdom of an angel, how your wisdom is the age of your body but they are bodiless.
That would be a good song..O.o
hmmmm...This is an intresting poem...Intresting in a good way o.O
This one is ok :)
Good Job ^.^!
Lines 5,6,7 have no obvious context. Other than that I find this quite cute.
You are on the inside looking out, you see children playing, chasing a lark, cutting themselves, getting over it.
OK anything else?
Thanks for the links, I have been unable to find anything about 'Indefinite space' other than the review sited , but I have bookmarked the NHI site and will take a further look.
"The contemplation of Beauty sometimes induces ecstasy, and ecstasy is the happiest state, a humming perfection of the whole person. The greatest art critic of the earlier twentieth century, Bernard Berenson, writes in his Sketch for a Selfportrait that at the age of five or six he experienced an ecstasy when out of doors."
- from 'An Atheist's Values' by Richard Robinson, Fellow of Oriel College, Oxford
Yeah, bit of a clunker, innit? Still not sure the previous stanzas and the pacing works either. But I'll come back to it at some point to see what to see what to rearrange. Thanks for the straight-up, and the dime.
Whatever you say. :-)
It's golden.
I think Margret listened to Counting Crows too much and her brain was actually forced out of her ear.
I really like this poem but that line "i can't do what i know it is that i have to do" is kinda confusing...I'd just take out "it is that", but the rest of it is great. I really like the imagery and all that.
Fabulous.
You may well laugh. I, however, do not find the preceding exchange funny at all. It's a sign of a sick sad time when a hard-working jerky-eating American finds himself mocked simply because he is not a Cack-Weatherby, 76th Earl of Westmoreland, or some such. Well I may not be titled aristocracy, Sir -=Dark_Angel=-, but I am its American equivalent, being heir to the enormous Milwaukie Brownstein Meat-Processing fortune, and in addition possessor of a four-year business degree from a reputable American university (which, unlike yourself, I have paid for.) I spend summers in various fashionable European vacation spots which I refer to in close company as 'foraging for culture' and which I secretly find boring and unhealthful to my digestive system. What's more, Mr. Lord -=Dark_Angel=-, I live in a sprawling modern ranch house with every imaginable appliance at my fingertips - while you, sir, rattling around in your crumbling ancestral manor, are barely able to afford the most basic contrivances in plumbing.
This is a textbook of overused rhymes - places/faces, night/fight, hours/flowers, eyes/lies, walking/talking, crying/lying, pain/insane, and so on. That's not your fault though, and it'll take care of itself as you read more poetry.
Sewing your friends back onto you was a really great imgae and caught me off-guard. I don't know if that's a common phrase, but I've never heard it before. If it's an original, then bravo.