DarkThirteens
on fade in by inka
24 Feb 2004, 8:02 PM
This is exelent! Definately work you should be proud of.
ah, well, i liked this one...BTW, you have a son???
And I find that the word is mostly written _bow'ls_ on this site. _Bow'l's_ may suppose a second dropped 'e': _BOWELES_. It's not impossible, but not really desirable, either.
rockmage's last login: Tuesday, 17-Feb-04/7:08 PM.
More like possessed.
Whatever the condition of -=Dark_Angel=-'s bow'ls, mine are not possessive. Far from it.
The past tense of a person's obvious lack of conviction.
If you are not a child then you are an idiot -8-
A nice rush-like quality to this. And a good combination of image and narrative.
Not sure about sharp smelling as memory. Do you really mean that memory is sharp smelling?
Also wet leaves do not really burn.
Personally I would prefer the witch to be a character.
Then you can bring out these features in a more scholarly and less serially way.
Has a nice poetic feel, which is not always such a bad thing.
Pleasant, and has a finished feel to it.
can nothing but a brownout stop this flowing?
Not sure I understand convicted in the first line. Or the question mark.
Reads well enough though.
"Bow'l's" lol.
Seen a lot of this before, may have been you or a caducus poem.
The first line is pretty ace though.
"And my wombs not yellowed by life," - as good a place as any for:
Bow'ls.
Yeah, I remember Paris in October too, an overated hump of vibrating asshats on a 'delicate' spin cycle.
You obviously need a magical whore cape like mine.
And more satellite tv royalties. Oh, and maybe a good motherfucking and a tight knit group of loose friends with interesting phrases like, "What if" and "Maybe, like, what if", then and only then will you respect the little man on the wood thing.
What if, life had nothing to do with sluts, angels and Jesus, but real things like mountains, oceans, and life would you feel better?
No.
OK I quite like triple rhyme, just a few things dont track.
You are crying... why do you jest.
Blackened ivory -- ivory is a cream colour, why would you blacken it, especially for use as braille.
The final verse.