tuthaliash
on If We Lived by ZCatcher
22 Jan 2004, 5:41 PM
Clever...reminds me of Ogden Nash. Delightful!
i guess i'm really not so much into this poem...to me it seems less like poetry and more like a long list of love cliches.
"had a head I could break with a bang!" that's great!
Do you think it reminded you of Poe because a basically identical scene happens in 'The Tell-Tale Heart'?
ahh.. at least you are ranking the poetry now, and not the person..
Absolute tosh.
Lovely. Like a ballad of yore. How gratifying to see the lower classes being kept in their rightful place, and in such spiffing rhyme too. Only in merrie Englande. What-ho.
I can't relate, but it's a good flow
I see what you mean, but here I say, unusually for me, bugger grammar. It would ruin the flow. Anyway, who's to say that there's more than one person loitering with their Tennant's? Gah, I hate it when someone finds my grammatical shortcomings. And I wasn't thinking really of Damien Hirst, but I can see why you think I might. The man's cornered the cultural market in embalming.
Mneh.
The alliteration is a bit of an annoyance in parts. But that is my only pick.
Good stuff, plentiful
Personally I would say from an everything that exists in a place can not be said to be 'not meant to'. Even dead things.
'Or the old dear collecting for terminal patients,' is not grammatical in the poem. It needs separating from 'either hustling for connections clause' which is talking about people plural.
Other than that good, is the formaldehyde reference inspired by damien hirst?
Excellent! This reminds me very much of the work of Jeffrey Farnol.
More psychology lectures actually.
If I can electo-cute monkeys then I can electo-cute (learned cripple) numpties.
Hmm. The thoughts are well-held in the beginning and end, but the phraseology might have been a little more flexible in the middle-part.
Reminds me of Poe, and like horus said, i don't even know what Jodhpurs are.
You are easilly the greatest poet alive, and I have no idea what jodhpurs are, which only adds to my first statement.
i like the rhyme, but i noticed all your poems titles are the first lines of the poem. Maybe you should work on the titles, they could add some more spice to the rest of the work
i like it, a little depressing for me right now but good. What exactly is the theme, im thick headed