richa
on You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15
23 Dec 2003, 8:18 AM
and how she gives love!
(a)bsurd.
Quite good, the bit about loving the bird at the end is daft. The selfishness to keep the bird for yourself, saying the outside world is worse, praising captivity is rather well written.
FALSEHOOD
cute idea though, whimsical.
very good, line breaks and fresh images on every line. My favourite is 'as a lake in a thimble'
This could be a commentary from either side of the cage. (I'm guessing the spectators)
'i am the peach pit (pith/stone?)/spit out' Is the best line, needs more like that though.
Like it!
Huh...I like the ending. I think "smirk" is weak, you shouldn't try so hard to rhyme. Your message is interesting enough.
Sure they can, you know, they all have their own society on the other side of the glass, when you're not looking they're partying off their ass, Look closer next time.
WEEELLL, Thats a reasonable assumption:(
Sucks huh?
Old memories well remembered, I enjoyed this.
YES! That is how I feel reading Shelley and Wordsworth,and so many others, looking for those velvet words to caress my mind and soul as my own vacant words could never begin to do. Well done nice sentiment. A well deserved 10!
Perhaps because we need more than ourselves to feel alive. I enjoy that zoo (within reason)
Masks can be very important sometimes, but you must be able to remove them, or they will become a part of you.
Keep submitting!
I think it's fascinating that people wear metaphorical masks to hide their less sophisticated character traits from society. On the outside, I'm a committed Christian and passionate racist. But on the inside, I'm a trenchant buffoon who likes running into cake shops and pulling down his trousers. Masks are important, aren't they?
You can't legislate desire; it has to come from within. Having said that, your use of "glee" to rhyme with "see" and "love" to rhyme with "above" is quite possibly the most staggeringly important contribution to English literature since J.R.Hartley's discovery of the letter "p".