poetandknowit
on What went wrong with America? (An essay) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
2 Nov 2003, 7:17 PM
Such generic thinking, and to come from such a hard hittin' street poet and budding screenwriter as yourself. It is in these rants that your severe lack of education shows. Alas, the bucklehead arises and speaks the truth of the blue-collar beat. Rise up proletariats. Rise up!!!!
Jeremi B. Handrinos
replying on What went wrong with America? (An essay) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
2 Nov 2003, 6:52 PM
I've rewritten it already if you'dve noticed while you were busy assuming whatever it is you are attempting to assume.
Shuushin
replying on What went wrong with America? (An essay) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
2 Nov 2003, 6:34 PM
Your mission was not to convince me, your mission was to write a better essay. You've failed on both counts.
I'm not here to get, or give political education - I'm here for the wordsmithing, so use your soapbox as a writing desk and try again.
Jeremi B. Handrinos
replying on What went wrong with America? (An essay) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
2 Nov 2003, 5:13 PM
You must not get out much. I don't have to back up fact with fact that would be rhedundant. I wouldn't have to give an educated American any examples to support my claims they already know exactly what I'm talking about, and yet at the same time I can't be expected to educate the masses in basic American history. Nor can I be expected to inform the uninformed as to why reading the morning paper is useful.
Now to bluntly answer your mundane questions one at a time.
1. America is #1 on the list of Super powers that contains the largest amount of illiterate citizens per square mile.
In fact America is one of the few countries where it's occupants can barely speak one language let alone grasp another language or culture. Something evenn migrating fruit pickers have the ability to do. And why the French, Germans and English laugh at us repeatedly.
2. A poll last year showed that two thirds of Americans believed that god created the earth two to three thousand years ago. I take it you haven't traveled the bible belt much eh?
3. America is notorious for creating puppet governments and then abandoning them. The list is too long to type out. But who do you think created Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden? Yep, America.
4. Casinos? Hardly, try the fall of the towers. And other unlucky occurances that have plagued our nation over the years. From the economy to environmental catastrophes. What goes around comes around.
5. An anecdote? Go to your local pub for an anecdote you'll find many just waiting to unload their rich knowledge of the curent events upon you. lol. I'm only laughing because in a recent poll Americans when asked what Mesopotamian was answered a period in history when dinosaurs walked the earth? lol, and guess what? It was a multiple choice question.
I laughed, I cried, you moved me Bob.
Jeremi (baba/bachus/horus/shardik) -
Functionally its a fairly pulling read (though, ironically, I was zoning out right around the park where you refer to Americans as lazy half-asses; go figure).
Not any new angles here though, is there? And the premise of rallying a group to action by name-calling is flawed. As a vent though - I can feel your pain.
But as an argument, you could add credibility to this if you backed up your claims with some statistics, references and specific examples, like for:
"America holds the largest collection of undereducated" (percentages compared to world?),
"two thirds of its occupants still believe the earth
was created a couple thousand years ago" (a reference would be nice here),
"Simple, it's the inability to lead by example and keep your word." (examples),
"now through karma we are getting our fair dues?" - (what is this referring to, exactly, casinos?)",
"common knowledge that Americans are greedy,
narrow sighted, and ridiculously pretentious without
fair reason or even an objective" (references? even something anectdotal would help)
If its just rant, then fine, carry on - but if you want to make a compelling argument then make it sound like you did your homework.
why did you delete the conversation?
At first I got nothing out of it... but then I found that I was wondering what it was you were describing so I must have liked it ^.^
its a purty cool thing to behold.
jan and dean, the everly brothers, abbot and costello? but I don't know pearl and ted.
Interesting.
heh I can relate! Very nice.
Thank you! :)
Whooo whoo, nice!
What a freaky comment
What happened to our conversation?
You did a really good job on this poem. in my opinion poetry is not about making it rhyme, or making enough syllables... or enough lines.. or whatever. It's like what you did, making a statement and evoking an emotion. 10/10
ditto