newdawnfades
replying on Through Poetry by newdawnfades
29 Oct 2003, 2:39 PM
I think I am working my way from the shore. At this point in my life I am only now pursuing alot of the things I never had the chance or courage to do. I don't think I have ever felt more free than now. So my journey is only now beginning.
I would go with "Mr. Tiddles last breath" as a title.
meow
Do you want to ask me? After all I starred in his movie.
He's not still wearing dresses is he, I don't think it appropriate to his gender.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet
29 Oct 2003, 12:41 PM
well I once saw him wearing a dress so the answer to your question must be "yes"
Didn't SD used to be a she?
A wistful reflection on love-soaked days of idealistic youth, moist with echoes of yearning and draped in a cloak spun from the shadows of lost hope, encapsulated in the plump apple of silence that shines on the end of the purest branch of the brownest tree of the glade of earthly wisdom.
what is it pretending to be?
Tell me; do you have a pair of poetry-writing shoes? I keep a pair of comfortable, worn-out wellingtons hanging above the fireplace, so that whenever my buckle-rash flares up, or when Ernest forgets to properly lubricate the leverage cylinder and the accident happens again, I can simply slide them on and be transported to happier, more abled times.
Don't just say 'vivid dreams' 'memories flashing.
Tell!
'Making love to grow a child' is a rather interesting line, seems so unsentimental.
Then 'two peoples hearts grow twice the size' is unabashedly OTT romantic.
Two nice lines but somewhat at odds I think.
The bit about life a single moment is a bit trite, what comes before it does not convince.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet
29 Oct 2003, 11:51 AM
There's nothing wrong with my IQ. It's well within the normal range. SupremeDreamer CLAIMED he had an IQ of something like 122.
I thought you'de have higher than a virtually dead middle IQ of 107, maybe you are joking, never know with you.
Still what is this great IQ that Supreme The Dreamer has been claiming?
It's two people's hearts.
Sweet as pie. Unfortunately the rainbows send this zooming to Over-The-Top Ville. Again, my first impression was just kind of ahhhhhh... that's gentle + tender, and I'm all for that sort of thing. Does it really make 'all of life a single moment'?
Don't thank me; think me. What I mean to say is that you have given us a great poeme with a great message - I'm the one who should be thanking you! Just keep thinking and keep writing. That's thanks enough for me. I have to say that I too have suffered the strains of the waves of hustle and bustle breaking on my shores. It wasn't until I thought deeply about the problem and about my life that things improved. Waves form in areas of conflict; whether it's a conflict between land and sea, or a conflict of interest within our day to day lives makes no difference. They will both cause ripples in the natural harmony of life. I eventually decided to stop trying to be too many things at once - essentially, I got rid of the shoreline altogether! The waves of hustle and bustle no longer bring me strife because my entire realm is an ocean of serenity. Gone are the days of turbulent discourse between earth and water. And gone are the days of a frantic and unproductive lifestyle. Have you had similar experiences in your own life?
Hmmmm... great idea. I'm really into random references which communicate the image or idea, so this is my favoite kind of lyric/poetry. That said, I'm certain the lead in was just something you came up with, at the time, to get yourself going. It lacks the integrity, vision, and sweetness of the other components. Also wouldn't it be better to be more specific about the time frame of kennedy's death? Instead of 'when' to say 'the day...' 'the year...' etc. It's ecstasy not extasy. My first impression was that I understand this and I like the way you put it together, traveling through those post-wwII television ideals and showing the reader how many light-years far they are from the reality of living and being.
I agree wholeheartedly! Well said, and thanks for the vote!
Piffle.