Don't get it? help !

Gotta tell you sweetie - love your work 9.

Line 2 is the type of line you need to use consistently. Line 6 is reader asphyxiation. Your ever helpful Caducus x x x

Loads of potential but messy - very messy. 5

Not bad t'all. Your problem though is line 1 ! its so cliched and by the time I got over it I had missed the following lines which are pretty good. There's no shame in a 7

Loved the opening. It reminded me of a pimple rap rant. Thanks for cheering me up on this miserable monday. 8

lyric ? it could be if you get a chorus.

This is truly the most agonisingly tacky thing I have ever had the misfortune to read. I have the greatest respect for your feelings, but this is absolute drivel. I refer you to: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=51209 http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=67061 I wish I could think of a better word, implying more sicklyness than 'saccharine'. But I can't.

You have a bright future in greeting cards.

weak, forced rhymes, very little substance. sounds juvenile. are you in seventh grade?

And a new man would hum, And if I mentioned his name I would upset my Mum. I thought that this meant your mom was cheating and she felt guilty if you talked of her lover who would show up after your dad went to work. But the end makes it sound like your dad left and was gone forever. I think the pronoun usage in the lines above are confusing and I don't know who you are talking about. this coinfusion muddies up the meaning of your poem.

end punctuation is a bit disruptive, they should read like sentences, and a "." makes the reader stop, which chops up your poem. same for ","... hope the feedback helps. also-3rd stanza a bit awkward in 3rd and 4th line.

are the hands moon-bathed or light bulb lit? i can't see how they can be both--or how you could type by moonlight.