<{Baba^Yaga}>
on Lizzie Boredom by Bonehiss
27 Sep 2003, 8:54 PM
Yes, absolutely, I've smelled mothballs as queer. This is a fine narrative.
?-Dave_Mysterious-?
replying on >~{In the Shadow of a Crooked Ceiling}~< by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
27 Sep 2003, 5:30 PM
I see. I've watched Tron but not Chud. I hope it comes on TV soon.
I particularly like the first inversion around lines 5 to 6.
?-Dave_Mysterious-?
replying on Ginger Prawns prior to Sea world with Jeremy Irons by Bachus
27 Sep 2003, 5:13 PM
It's on my birth certificate.
I think I agree with the departed... seems to fit a little better than passed.
It's interesting to me the way you related the suicide to the work-out class. I would like to see more about how the two are similar.
Very well written, a perfect 10.
Except, the word of THE CRAFTY JESU!
It sounds good though, I especially like it for the mechanic stuff. With a name like yours you don't seem like you'd be a mechanic. Good poet though.
"A resplendent love of a young army captain for a beautiful and proud Gypsy kindles raging, terrifying flames of passion."
maybe you should say "the recently departed" ?? but other than that i like it -8- = )
Bachus
replying on >~{In the Shadow of a Crooked Ceiling}~< by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
26 Sep 2003, 7:00 PM
I like that you,ve made this a Sonnet now!...? uhhh, Chud is an American movie from the eighties about monsters in the sewers, and Tron, well, Tron is Tron for christ sake? Put them together and there you have it.
Bachus
replying on Ginger Prawns prior to Sea world with Jeremy Irons by Bachus
26 Sep 2003, 6:46 PM
Uh, pardon me, but where did you find your user name? I don't know why, but it seems vaguely familiar?
?-Dave_Mysterious-?
on Ginger Prawns prior to Sea world with Jeremy Irons by Bachus
26 Sep 2003, 4:57 PM
Mensturate in the shark pool!!! Why didn't I think of that?
Bees are really excellent.
I see you have really bucked the system by refusing to use an apostrophe to indicate a contraction. Power to the people!
The second verse is quite excellent, but then it got a bit soppy.
I smoke Lambert and Butler. Otherwise accurate. -9-
I really wich you would have taken this one all the way. You stopped at 2nd base...didn't even round the bag and threaten to take 3rd. Now i can kind of imagine how a "full manipulation" might end for you....with sweaty brow and wet panties ....but what about the poor chap trapped inside your CRT? No happy ending for him? Ah it get it! This poem turns the tables on men who have the nasty habit of satisfying themselves sexually while leaving their partner (female) in an utter state of frustration. Not that I've ever expereinced such a phenomenon.....I always ring the bell!! - Brilliant twist!
Huh?
?-Dave_Mysterious-?
replying on >~{In the Shadow of a Crooked Ceiling}~< by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
26 Sep 2003, 4:11 PM
Now corrected. I went through this poem loads of times before posting it to look for stupid little mistakes like that, but still had to edit it again when I realised I'd missed an N out of "Alec Guinness".
What is Chud-Tron? is it a robotic version of Dr Chud of Misfits fame? I sincerely hope so.