Pervy Elf
replying on Leaving by Pervy Elf
24 Sep 2003, 10:46 PM
I see what you mean about the spelling...I never did very well in that area. But, what do you mean about 'Damn'? That's makes me kind of nervous...
Um, do you mean the cap's at the beginning of each line, or everything else? i.e.- Him, Little. I'm confused as to what you mean by you don't follow...
I don't know what to think for sure. Why all the Cap's?
I see where youre going but I don't follow.
"then my Stomach lining" (than)
"your Stricken with" (you're)
That bad?
So far this poem has a comments-to-poetry ratio of about 80:1 (not including my own comments, obviously). Is this a record? Why is there no table ranking this statistic?
http://mulberryfairy
on The Weight of Civilization (Heavily Abridged) by Geschäftsreise
24 Sep 2003, 5:21 PM
Really!!
Yeah, that was better than I first expected. I liked "gory glory". Did you misspell denial on purpose- play on "the Nile"? I liked your "breathe in, breathe out", too.
Ahhh, I see, yes, that is quite a big leech.
I think on Faces of death part three, this girl gets killed by a giant radioactive leech somewhere in Lousiana?
certainly, that's understandable.
good question... wait, that's a giant nipple leach!
"How in you mind" your
The first three fifths of verse 2 are the best thing I've ever read. The same portion of verse 6 is pretty excellent as well. I would give these sections a 10, but if I have to vote on the whole poem, -7-
I would say this poem is somewhat elliptical, if you don't mind my saying so. -4-
And I'm out right now, in my backyard writing, I haven't even left the house yet, and I've already made almost a gran actually 750.00$ So I really don't need to go out. I enjoy my home, it's beautiful, and allows me the music, food, drink, and family an friends surrounding me in a gorgeous environment of my creation, Plants, animals, freash air HAAA, naturally, I do make lot's of phone calls and emails during the day, but that's it, for me. Otherwise, my days are spent developing my talents being creative and free. Istop 9-5ing years and years ago at 24 actually. See, what you don't get is that I work at home writing, I have no schedule other than what I 'want' lol. Sure I have deadlines, and If I want to record music I go across the street to my studio, and If I book an acting gig, I leave, pick up my laptop, and go do the job, but my real love is poetry, so I do it all day long 'while' i'm doing a million other things (writing 2 movies, entertaining friends, composing music, editing my manuscripts for literary competitions for publications I respect. If I do go out, it's to perform for money at hip clubs that I don't ever frequent other than to PLAY IN, or eat, or travel, I don't hang out anymore with children at clubs or get loaded... it's just to boring and pathetic of an activity to waste energy on anymore. Kind of like drunken one night stands and cocaine floozys eating your eggs in the morning. YAWN. Any how. your conversation becoming a yawn, and my mother will be coming home to prepare me lunch soon, and pour me a nice cold brown beer.
And don't you think it's ridiculously posh to use Nirvana as a user name? It's not very inventive deary, and it best it's silly and borrowed. and 13666? woah, I'm worried you might just be EVIL. you are an asshat, period. your poetry? a lap snorke for the catatonic.
By the way I've read everyone's poems on poemranker, and yours are no different, it doesn't mean I'm overly impressed by them, or you would have won my GQT awarde or a Bachian swagger award. Also, I have left 6,000 comments on the ranker, and I gurantee the better ones are not on your poetry. Why? you might ask. Because, your poetry is mediocre and horribly one dimensional.
You really should get out moreâ¦..
Do you get off on being a mean bastard? I can take constructive criticism but you are fucking off the wall. Man this writing is for me. You seem to be a very devoted reader of mine. In fact I believe you have viewed all my writings. Btw, Nirvana is my primary user name NNirvana is the secondary.