some deleted user
on Morphine Cherries of August by horus8
1 Sep 2003, 11:54 AM
I liked the last parts after the word Chorus.
yuck..
thank you
I usually don't like rhyming poetry...
Ride the snake!
http://mulberryfairy
on A Cacodemon's Sermon: Message to a Eudemon by Y2kSlamPoet
1 Sep 2003, 11:38 AM
This is my favorite part: "The love of pure killing
incites me to rush
in close, to enjoy
the feel of skin
quickly turned
into dark colors. "
Nice, but could use a few apostrophes.
You are like one of those beefy personal trainers shouting "No pain No gain" at their trainees. (I mean this in the most affectionate way possible). Anyway, it is Labor Day, and I am lazy, so I will not be adding passion or energy to this poem today.
.
some deleted user
on goofy poem to prove I'm not morbid (Ode to an Onion) by greym0on
1 Sep 2003, 10:50 AM
this onion poem is more morbid than most.
normally suicide poems are not for me...but I liked the fact that the wife cares more about the carpet than your death... :)
8
Of course you'll change your mind about it (unless you don't).
SupremeDreamer
replying on goofy poem to prove I'm not morbid (Ode to an Onion) by greym0on
1 Sep 2003, 10:35 AM
yeah, i smell because.. -sniff- im beatiful inside.. but no one can see!!!!
_dark scribbles notes: "Patient is an emotional puff ball"_
It had quality, you simply gave too much of a shit about readers who suddenly run from a poem that is a bit long..
bad excuse. If its too long, i suggest: tighten the poem to a shorter output, not to make it short, but to strengthen the delivery of the emotion in the poem.
if your really romanitc, you need to put passion into it.. I WANT RESULTS BECAUSE YOUR DAMNED POEM IS WORTH THE EFFORT.
heh.
http://mulberryfairy
replying on True Respect (A Distant Adoration) by abecedarian
1 Sep 2003, 10:26 AM
That is a nice theory, until I change my mind about it.
I think the "guilt" you detect is more like the narrator's awareness that she SHOULD feel guilty- she knows she's selfish, but she is happy about her choices.
Yeah, I know. I just split it up because I figured it was too long to get anyone to read it in its original form- but those breaks sort of presented themselves. Anyhow, I am feeling a little too romantic (high) to come up with any quality poetry today.
The end of this poem is really nice: how the narrator's self-conscious claim of remoreselessness actual reveals guilt (if not about secreting away the peach, then certainly about not feeling guilty about stealing away the peach).
Ok, i like the idea, but i think you could have better crafted this into one poem with a much stronger impact.
doing the fancy splitting up didnt offer anything but a bad handicap to your poem. 8 for this one.
blessed with 8.
40 quid on onion any day of the week.
I've thought a bit recently about being 'fickle':
Is it possible that the flowing costume of fleeting feelings is perhaps hung about a solid and well conceived stand that requires redecoration?