INTRANSIT
replying on A Perfectly Reasonable Question by baughworm
6 Jun 2003, 5:07 PM
I think underneath all that innocence, kids really do know. Us "adults" on the otherhand........
1. "Slip down the hour glass of life" change down to through.
2. hourglass, is one word.
3. "Each others heart" Each-other's.
4. my suggestion is pull the poem into tight stanzas, use commas and periods, or capitals or lowercase to show sentence and thought seperation. Do not space. Make it like 4 to 6 stanzas. And remove the stuff at the bottom, because, we are already aware that you need guidance. Try not to start your sentences with and or but, and ignore the fact that I do it all the time. Remove the asterick. Make your title a sentence, don't capitalize each word, and there you have it. Oh, try to use words that are a tad bit rarer than the nouns, verbs and adjectives you are using now, check your thesaurus. For instance "
Not enough time
To fill the heart and mind
With memories made too brief"
This could be said like this;
There is never enough time
to ease a heart or mind
as memories displace remembering.
people just don't listen, do they?
ya, I can see it. I can smell it. I can dig it.
Col. Mustard in the Bedroom with the Wank Harness.
too
many
spaces
can't
read
properly
must
stop
GQT award. Fucking awesome poem, hands down.
solid.
Great! Where's the mp3?
I thought of it more as a kid waiting to ask why his (or her) parents were doing it. I think it's the keyhole thing that made me think child.
what is the point of this poem?? the truth of death is that she lived slightly before she dies?
i see no purpose in this....degradation of poetry.
also, "ultra-sharp" does not do it for me as an, ahem, adjective.
This is nothing NOTHING before the sheer blood-chilling TERROR of GHOST IN A JAR!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?Vie
I have already begged your forgiveness god! Must I be forever tormented by my aweful sins. I weep tears in Shame for so displeasing you god. I beg only forgiveness.
Yum WEE
No I say things and they come off as being redundant or over lapping. Its because I have slight brain damage from smoking coffee. I was saying(or trying to) that my claim of D.A. comminting Libel and Plagiarism isn't libel because it is in question of the fact of whether or not he had in fact done so. The fact that I wasn't just out and out going and posting on every other poem here that D.A. is Guilty of Plagiarism/Libel but that I kept it within a fine margin, trying to express a complaint is different. To be proven guilty of Libel it only has to be proven that you in fact said it, Satire Laws make it a bit hard to determine if in Fact it is Libel and I'm tired of arguing it. I don't want to have to retrace every comment made in the situtation, nor try and prove the intent behind them.
Don't even go there with my spelling or my caps. My caps mean I'd be stressing the word if I was saying it aloud. Being as to how I CAN type anywhere Muwhahaha I'm pretty sure making sure isn't a problem.
In any case, before you go on for several pages defending yourself, I really just felt like writing a poem; while I was taking a shower, the two lines came to me, and the rest of the words fitted together quite nicely.
That, and the fact that you smell of wee.
well. I have been well and truly told.
from your incessant babbling about -=Dark_Angel=-'s alleged plagiarism, it really doesn't seem that you do know jack; or that, if you do, you refuse to apply your knowledge. or, if neither of the above, simply that you have no notion of consistency. I seem to recall you telling me that you wouldn't be done for libel, since you'd only said something a few times, and the next minute (or, rather, six minutes later) telling -=Dark_Angel=- that the bare fact of him mentioning something once, without any meaning behind it, was enough to get him sued. Seems pretty plausible, if you ask me.
So next time you assume you can capitalise indiscriminately, or spell wildly incorrectly, make sure you can.
Death metal lyrics only have a point when accompanied by actual death metal.
Speaking without Knowledge, isn't that what your mocking me for here? I do Happen to know about Libel and Slander, and copyright protections. I may not be a lawyer but as a DJ for a radio station I have to know about such things.
So next time you assume someone has no clue what the hell they are talking about, make sure they don't.
Is the question "Tea?"?
Waiting at the kitchen table to tell someone off is one of the worst things in the world.