INTRANSIT
on Expired (early horus8 before the change) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
18 May 2003, 8:28 AM
hunt down what little fat there is. and burn it off.
Then, frame this fucker.
some nice lines, I couldn't be bothered reading all of it. Some greek poets took all their life writing poems this long.
Try have more confidence that a few lines will show your ability
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
you are one of the writers who is not as well known as top ones such as mr pig and zzinnia but your poems stand out from most of the pack.
As for this its use of language is beautiful and as a poem is complete
When I trod on an onion,
I was lost in complete darkness,
And shouted for God to rescue me,
But all He did was butter my garden
Because he was made of rice.
ALL RIGHT EVERYBODY!!! THIS IS A FUCK-UP!!!!
THROW YOUR ASSES IN THE AIR OR I'LL BLOW YOUR HANDS AWAY!!!!!
now gimme yer dough.
True enough. My poetry is better than my lyrics. This will surely become the best thing I have ever written. not.
I tink ees okay. When you cross the sanity barrier, let me know how the water is would you please?
Maybe you should look up the moniker, then re read.
WOW
I think its wonderful. MAybe if you hadn't of referenced it to Footprints you may have had the recognition you deserve, other than that I think it carries a message of hope. 9
Gald you like it there is more to come, and If I get some useful suggestions I'll make this better as well. :)
Trust me the first one was this bad once too. They are all a work in progress. Just wait it'll get better, or I'll scrap it and write a replacement.
I thought there was promise?!
Pretty good!
The thing about the blues is you get to repeat everything and it's not much work, the work is in the scoring and instrumentals.
yuch.